


The Moments In Between

by chinaink



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 08:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17403863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chinaink/pseuds/chinaink
Summary: Lucy, on the windy road of navigating friendship and something more with Gray. After all, it’s the little moments that count. Lucy/Gray.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> While I realize this is a non-canon pairing, Gray and Lucy seem to have a genuinely solid, trusting relationship that’s always caught my imagination, and with a little maturity and growth, I think they could be really great for each other. Hoping there are some Lucy/Gray fans lurking out there, and if you are not one and choose to read this, I hope you can still respect my pairing choice. Timeline takes place post Oración Seis arc through the Grand Magic Games, with a healthy dash of creative liberty sprinkled in.

_A newcomer to Fairy Tail, definitely easy on the eyes. She can be as hotheaded as Erza but she hides her pure heart._

_He likes the whole package._

The thing is, Lucy can’t get his words out of her head. Rationally, she knows it was Gemini impersonating Gray. She only needs to look down at her hip, her keyring with its zodiac keys hanging heavy and comforting, to remember that day with a flush. But didn’t Gemini always speak the truth? It may not have been Gray himself, but those bratty zodiac twins had access to the hearts and minds of those they imitated, and they had recited those words with a matter-of-fact candor. Did Gray really have feelings for her?

Lucy groans and tosses her comforter off in irritation, turning to look out at the moonlight slipping through her curtains and spreading across her bedsheets in a silvery halo. Ever since they got back from defeating Oración Seis, her nights have been filled with restless thoughts, Gemini-Gray’s words churning through her head in an unending refrain. Try as she might, she can’t stop fixating on them. What the hell was wrong with her? She was going crazy, she just knew it. That mission must have knocked a screw or two loose in her brain.

Ever since she joined Fairy Tail, Gray has been a steady presence in her life. While she wouldn’t exactly classify her relationship with Gray as emotionally close, theirs was a relationship borne of mutual respect and an intuitive understanding of each other. They had both come from broken families and lost loved ones in their childhood. That loss shaped you and stayed with you through the years, marking you in unexpected ways. Lucy understood that on a visceral level, and she recognized those same marks on Gray, despite the icy front he carefully put up.

Cool while Natsu was hot, composed while Natsu was volatile, she relied on Gray’s even-headedness, especially in times of duress. He was the tactician on their team, a steady hand in battle that had gotten them out of more tight spots on jobs than she could count. And while she was used to thinking of Natsu as her first and best friend in the guild, the one who had brought her into her new life and embraced her fully, the one she owed everything to – she had to remember that Gray hadn’t hesitated even a second before accepting her presence in Fairy Tail. One minute she was a stranger, the next he treated her as family. Every adventure she had been on since with Natsu, Gray had been there too, at their side every step of the way.

Just because he wasn’t loud and brash and ostentatious like some other people, didn’t mean he wasn’t a formidable and valuable member of the team. Gray was often overlooked, Lucy muses, too often quiet and aloof, lost in his own thoughts. But there was no doubt she was paying a lot more attention now, more keenly aware of his every movement and reaction. In off moments she would find herself staring at him, trying to puzzle out what was going on in that head of his, underneath that tousled mane of hair, behind those piercing eyes and chiseled jawbone, those washboard abs…

Lucy buries her head underneath her pillow and groans again, loudly, stopping those runaway thoughts before they veered into dangerous territory. _Okay girl_ , she admonishes herself sternly. _Eyebags are a girl’s worst enemy and yours are getting to be unmanageable at this rate. Time to conk out._

* * *

The thing is, Lucy can’t quite figure out what’s going on with her own feelings. It’s as if Gemini’s words have sent her into an involuntary obsession, second guessing her every interaction with Gray and overanalyzing his every word to her. She feels tongue-tied and wooden-footed around him, and despite her best efforts it’s gotten so obvious even Natsu is shooting her strange looks. That’s when she knows it’s bad.

And Gray has definitely noticed. She catches him giving her contemplative looks when he thinks she isn’t aware, eyebrows raising when she nearly falls off the barstool as he sidles up beside her one day. Or the other day when he brushes up against her while she's eating and she nearly chokes on a mouthful of her food. Outside the guildhall, he grabs her in the nick of time when her legs somehow turn to jelly and she nearly faceplants after bumping into him, and just today, he flashes her a large, smug smirk as he catches her staring a little too long at his bare chest after a kerfuffle with Natsu.

“Like what you see?” he has the gall to ask her, and Lucy flushes bright red, down to her toes, raising her eyes just in time to see that knowing glint in his eyes, before she promptly turns around and stomps away in mortification. There is no doubt Gray is gorgeous and he knows it, being the recipient of legions of admiring female glances all around town, especially when the clothes come flying off. But Lucy is not usually one of them, until now.

“Ugh,” she berates herself in disgust, storming away. “Get a hold of yourself!”

 _I’m becoming just as bad as Juvia,_ she bemoans, and the horror of that thought sends her scuttling out the guildhall, putting as much distance between herself and Fairy Tail’s resident ice mage as she can.

Gray’s quiet laughter follows her out the door. 

* * *

It takes several jobs together (three, to be precise) for her brain to finally settle down. They were a couple of no brainers: guard duty for some high-value cargo, capture some pesky bandits, hunt down an escaped convict. It gives Lucy some time to cool her jets, be around him as part of a team, and remember why she really shouldn’t be acting all skittish and awkward around Gray.

Because Gray was one of her good friends: the one person on the team who just got her; the one she depended on for some sanity amidst the chaos. The one she relied upon to roll his eyes with her when Natsu made another dumb, reckless decision or who sniggered at her snarky comments or actually laughed at her lame jokes. The one she knew would strategize and think things through with her first before rushing headlong into the fray. When Natsu was blowing another building up in a frenzy or Erza was taking out an entire bandit group by herself, she knew she could look across the bedlam at Gray and they would know exactly what the other was thinking.

 _So all that spoke to a significant level of comfort between them that really didn’t warrant this weirdness, right?_ Lucy tells her brain. _Gray’s just a guy, albeit a hot one, who happens to be her friend, who happens to be her teammate, who also happens to be a giant dork himself_ , she repeats to herself, observing him taking Natsu’s very obvious bait and wading into yet another pointless tussle with the dragon slayer, but not before chucking his shirt off.

Gray had been taking off his clothes a lot more lately in front of her, Lucy notes. Which is saying a lot, considering how often he did it normally. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he was doing it to mess with her. Lucy narrows her eyes as she notices Gray shooting her furtive glances while dodging Natsu’s flaming fists and flexing his muscles a little more than necessary. After Erza knocks their heads together and breaks up the fight, she watches him saunter over to her, now down to only his boxers, which are slung low around his lean hips. When she catches him actually flexing his abs, Lucy knows how much of a complete idiot she’s been lately.

“Think I won that round, Luce?” Gray winks at her.

“Doubtful,” she replies haughtily. “You might want to put your clothes back on.”

“Why?” Gray grins at her. “Thought you liked these bad boys.” He slowly encroaches into her personal space until she’s forced to place her hand against his chest to stop him from coming any nearer. Gray’s smirk widens.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Gajeel let me feel up his abs the other day and he’s got way more definition than you, so you might want to up your game,” Lucy says sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes at him. Gray’s grin falters and completely falls off his face, and Lucy bursts out laughing.

And just like that – her awkwardness dissipates and they’re back to normal. Gray rolls his eyes at her and leaves to find the rest of his clothes, and Lucy chuckles to herself. _Yeah, definitely messing with me. Things are just so easy with Gray – why would I ruin that? I’ve been behaving like such a bonehead around him lately when I could have been enjoying our friendship. Gray’s a straightforward guy – if he does have feelings for me, he would let me know._

Even so, that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy the view sometimes, surreptitiously, of course. Lucy can admire the smooth interplay of Gray’s muscles as he leaps up to attack an enemy, or the way the light unexpectedly picks out different flecks of color in his indigo eyes, or the way he effortlessly crafts the most complex and beautiful ice spells. At the end of the day, Lucy’s still a woman, with the soul of an artist – she has an appreciation for aesthetics.

If there are still times when she can’t control her body’s involuntary reaction to his proximity –  if she finds herself shivering when he brushes by her bare skin, or heart racing when he looks at her a little too intently – well, she can blame that on his ice magic, or stupid hormones, or something. She’s working on it.

* * *

Lucy had been looking forward to the Hanami Festival for weeks. It was just her luck to wake up feverish and coughing up a storm the morning of the anticipated festival, and as she looks out her window at the brilliant blue sky, she curses her teammates for taking that awful job on Mt. Hakobe the previous day.

Wendy and Carla stop by shortly after Lucy wakes up in utter misery, tea and breakfast in tow. She had promised Wendy they would pick out outfits for the day together, and it kills her to see Wendy’s face fall upon seeing Lucy’s condition. To the young girl’s credit, she immediately sits Lucy down and works a healing spell on her, as Carla bustles around tsking at the state of Lucy’s apartment.

“This spell should take care of your cold, but unfortunately I don’t think you’ll start feeling its effects until tomorrow at the earliest.” Wendy looks completely apologetic, and guilt stabs Lucy.

“Thank you so much. I’m really sorry, Wendy. I know I promised we would go to our first Hanami together and get all dressed up, but I think I’m out for the count today,” Lucy says hoarsely. “I know you’re going to have a great time, though. Erza, Natsu and Gray will take care of you.”

Wendy brightens. “That’s okay, Lucy! We’ll go together next year! You should rest up and feel better.”

Lucy gives the young girl a grateful hug before they part, and she isn’t surprised when shortly thereafter Natsu and Happy show up at her door. She can’t do anything about the dejected looks on their faces when she turns them down and sends them on their way. While she appreciates her friends stopping by, at this point she barely has the energy to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over her head. She tries to keep the utter disappointment of missing the festival at bay.

Right before she drifts off, she thinks back to her short time with the guild and how many adventures had filled her time there already. Only a few months with Fairy Tail and already she feels like she has been a part of it forever. After her mother died, she had spent the rest of her childhood yearning for a family that loved her, a little girl pining for a world outside her ivory tower, and somehow she had stumbled into the largest, loudest, most lunatic family there ever was. One that had accepted her with open arms, without care or concern for where she came from or what baggage she brought with her. _How much her life had changed in a short amount of time_ , Lucy thinks, her eyes drooping closed.

She wakes with a jerk to the scrape of the window, and scrambles out from underneath her covers in a panic, only to come face to face with a grinning Gray. The moonlight streaming in behind him through her open window throws a silvery halo around him and accentuates the mischievous twinkle in his dark eyes.

“You and Natsu have _got_ to stop sneaking in through my window,” she hisses at him, clutching her racing heart. “I am not running a hotel here! Did you miss the memo on me being sick?”

“That’s why I’m here. I brought you soup!” Gray holds up a brown paper bag, not looking the least bit apologetic. Lucy scowls at him, but can’t find it in herself to be too annoyed at him. He’s looking so pleased with himself.

Gray nimbly steps over her bed and bustles into her small kitchen, finally bringing her a steaming bowl of what smells like chicken soup. The rumbling in her stomach reminds her that she has slept through dinner, and she has to admit the soup is smelling divine right about now. As she accepts the bowl gratefully, Gray places the back of a hand against her hot forehead, and Lucy sighs in relief at the touch of his cool skin. A slight furrow mars Gray’s brow and he tucks her comforter around her shoulders, before turning her body to face her open window. Lucy glances at him in confusion, and the cat-that-ate-the-canary-grin is back on Gray’s face.

“Keep your eyes peeled out there, okay?”

“Huh?” Lucy gapes at him through a mouthful of soup.

“Just watch.”

She doesn’t have long to wonder, because it’s the lights that catch her attention first. Drifting slowly along the banks of the river is the Rainbow Sakura tree, massive in its full glory, its colorful brilliance casting the night around it in an iridescent glow. She can hear the crowd gathered along the embankment murmuring in collective awe as dazzling, prismatic sakura leaves float down all around them. It is one of the most gorgeous sights Lucy has ever seen.

She turns to Gray in wonder, soup forgotten. He slings an arm companionably around her shoulders.

“We missed you at Hanami today. Sucks that you were sick.”

“You did this?” Lucy asks in amazement. “I can’t even – it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Gray reddens slightly and scratches the back of his head. “Well, it was mostly Natsu’s idea. I froze the roots so we could pull it out; that thing’s a monster. You’ve been chattering incessantly for weeks about how much you wanted to see it, so we thought if you couldn’t make it, we’d bring it to you.”

Lucy bursts into tears. Gray jolts in alarm and starts patting her back awkwardly. “Dude, we thought this would cheer you up, not make you cry!”

“I am cheered, you idiot!” Lucy snarls through her sniffles. “These are tears of happiness, can’t you tell?”

Just then, Natsu scrambles across her windowsill, Happy soaring in after him.

“Surprise!” they shout in her face. “Happy Hanami!”

Lucy only cries harder and jumps onto all three of them, wrapping her arms tightly around them, covertly wiping her snotty nose on Gray’s shirt, sending all four of them tumbling across her bed.

“What the–” Natsu glances at her wide-eyed. “Why is she crying?” he demands of Gray, who simply shrugs in response.

Lucy just shakes her head, overwhelmed. “Thank you,” she manages finally. “This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

She feels the two boys exchange embarrassed glances over her head, and Natsu pats her head a little harder than necessary.

“That’s alright, Lucy. Piece o’ cake!” His wide grin is contagious, and Lucy returns it in kind. She pulls herself back to her knees and returns to her windowsill perch, watching the rainbow tree make its slow, meandering way down the river past her building.

“Makarov is going to kill you guys tomorrow, you know,” she adds as an afterthought.

There is a long silence.

“It was Flame Brain’s idea in the first place. I was barely involved; the evidence leads straight to him,” Gray states unflappably.

“What?!” Natsu yells in outrage, pointing an accusing finger at Gray. “You traitor! I’m not going down for this!”

As the two boys fall into a scuffle behind her, Lucy continues to look out her window at the floating tree and sighs in pleasure. This was turning out to be a pretty great Hanami, after all.

* * *

It is after Edolas, and they are spending a blissfully lazy afternoon at Lucy’s apartment, waiting for Natsu and Happy to return with takeout food. Lucy is stretched across the couch, book in hand, wiggling her toes in Gray’s lap, who is sprawled across the other side, languidly flipping through the latest issue of _Sorcerer Weekly_. He’s shed his shirt already, and absentmindedly clamps a hand down on Lucy’s toes to stop her squirming.

Lucy giggles, and he looks over at her questioningly.

“What?”

“It’s like second nature to you, isn’t it? You don’t even notice when you do it anymore?” Lucy nods towards his discarded shirt on the floor.

Gray shrugs, returning to his magazine. “I guess. Clothes are uncomfortable.”

Lucy laughs, thinks of something, and giggles some more. Gray cocks an eyebrow at her.

“I was thinking about the Gray in Edolas – how many layers he was wearing, he was always so _cold_ – and nobody could get him to take any layers off–” Lucy breaks out in peals of laughter, and Gray cracks a smile at her mirth. 

“Tell me about it. That guy was such a weirdo.”

“And he was head over heels for Juvia, and kept stalking her and being so pussy-whipped, and she was such a bitch to him!” Lucy clutches her stomach, remembering the hilarious irony of the situation.

Gray lets out a snort of amusement. “Yeah. He’s a far braver man than me.”

Unexpectedly Lucy stops her laughter and looks at him soberly. “But seriously. Juvia.”

“What about her?” Gray looks back at her patiently.

“Our Juvia here is head over heels for _you._ Did you see the way she looked at you when we came back from Edolas?”

Gray sighs and puts his magazine down. “That’s the way she always looks at me.”

“My point exactly. You’re going to have to do something about it sooner or later.”

Gray raises another eyebrow at her. “And by do something, you mean…?”

“Either tell her yes or no,” Lucy retorts bluntly. “She’s a nice girl, Gray. She thinks you rescued her, can you blame her? She lived under this perpetual downpour and literally had never seen a blue sky until you came along. I’d love you too if I were in her place.”

“More like she has a hero complex. And you think everyone’s nice,” Gray mutters under his breath, then sharpens abruptly at her last statement. “You would?”

Lucy meets his indigo eyes, and for an inexplicable reason finds herself flushing under his piercing gaze. “She means well.”

“Maybe, but it comes across as just creepy.”

“Look, she probably just doesn’t know how to express her feelings of gratitude and appreciation for you, and it’s resulted in these grand gestures of love and devotion,” Lucy explains, after some thought.

Gray scrubs a hand across his face in frustration. “Luce, you know I’m not really the type of guy for grand gestures. That shit just makes me uncomfortable, and sometimes words don’t come that easily to me. I’ve always thought it should be the little things – the constant, mundane things that you do for someone every day – that really matter in the end.”

He’s looking at her again with that barely restrained intensity beneath his pupils. Lucy’s not really sure why she suddenly feels uncomfortable underneath his scrutiny, but she defuses the situation by poking him in the ribs and winking.

“Ladies of Fairy Tail, I present to you ice mage Gray Fullbuster – a man of action and few words. But guard your virtue – that icy exterior isn’t just for show! This man will freeze your heart solid!” 

Gray finally grants her with a sardonic smile, and at that moment Nastu and Happy burst through the front door in a noisy clamor, juggling multiple steaming paper bags.

“Food’s here! We’re starving!!!” both of them bellow, and launch themselves at her kitchen table. Lucy laughs, pulls Gray to his feet and contentedly goes to join them.

* * *

It hasn’t even been a year since she joined Fairy Tail, and Lucy continues to marvel at how much of a whirlwind it’s been, at how much she feels at home. Her old life seems like a distant memory; she has shed the shackles of the Heartfilia legacy and is finally forging her own identity: that of a Fairy Tail wizard, a growing celestial mage, and a valuable member in her own right of Team Natsu.

She has settled into the familiar patterns of life at the guild. As crazy and unpredictable as it can be sometimes, Lucy thinks she’s starting to get a handle on life as a Fairy Tail wizard. Expect the unexpected, relish the raucous and quirky characters she now calls family, cherish the moments of camaraderie and laughter. But of course, just as she thinks she’s finally gotten the hang of things, life kicks her on her ass and yanks the rug out from under her. Tenrou Island happens, and defying all comprehension, when she wakes up from the ordeal, seven years has somehow passed her by.

She doesn’t fully understand what those missing seven years have cost her until she comes home and sees the pile of packages on her dining room table. It had been surreal, being told of Jude Heartfilia’s death. She had literally just seen him a few weeks ago, as he settled into the merchant guild Love & Lucky and began his fresh start. He couldn’t possibly be gone, not before she had a chance to see him again.

Reading her father’s letter is what breaks her _._

_I’m very worried, but I have faith that you’re safe. You’re so much like your mother – stubborn as a rock and blessed with luck. I’m sure you’re fine, and that I’ll see you again someday. I think of you and Layla every single day – those memories keep me going. Wherever you are, I hope you’re living life to the fullest and following your own path. Please, never forget how proud I am of you._

_This isn’t real, it can’t possibly be_ – Lucy finds herself suddenly gasping for breath, choking sobs rising to clog her throat, bent over her bed, clutching the piece of notepaper to her chest, the last thing she has of her father. There is a piercing, retching wail coming from somewhere – it is a few moments before she detachedly realizes the sound is coming from her. Everything is moving in slow motion, the contours of her room blurred by the torrent of tears streaking down her face; she thinks she hears Natsu and Happy outside her window, but she is somehow crumpled on the ground, trying to figure out how to breathe. How ironic – just an hour ago she was telling Natsu she had no tears to cry, and now she doesn’t know how to stop them.

Lucy isn’t sure how much time goes by as she presses her face into the floor – seconds, minutes, hours. At some point she distantly feels someone shaking her shoulders from her fetal position on the floor, and she shakes them off angrily.

“Leave me the fuck alone,” she tries to snarl, but it comes out unintelligible through her bawling. She catches the glint of reflection off a pair of glasses and a whiff of familiar magic, sharp and pungent, in the air around her.

 _Loke?_ A small part of her thinks.

“Just hold on, Lucy, I’m going to go get someone,” she thinks she hears, but anything else is drowned out by another immense wave of sorrow that pulls her under.

Someone is saying her name, insistently, but it’s all she can do to figure out how to take breaths through this awful heaving noise coming from her throat. A pair of strong arms wrap around her and she is being lifted and pressed against a hard chest, lowered gently onto her bed. She manages to raise her head and is met with a pair of familiar indigo eyes, filled with concern.

“Gray,” she chokes out, and bursts into a fresh wave of tears.

“Hey,” he says softly, tucking her hair back from her face with delicate fingers, brushing the wetness from her cheeks. “You shouldn’t be on the floor. I’m going to tuck you into bed, ok?”

Lucy nods jerkily, letting him pull the covers out from under her. She feels him gently grasp the letter still clenched tightly in her fist, and she lets out a howl.

“No!”

“I don’t want you to rip this, Luce. I’m just going to put this right here next to you, is that alright?” At her slight nod, he takes the sodden letter from her hand and rests it on her bedside table, within her direct line of sight.

“M-my f-father–” The words tear out of Lucy’s throat, and she sees the compassionate understanding in his eyes. He gives her hand a tight squeeze, and as he moves to pull away, she clutches onto his shirt, and Gray nods at the unspoken request he reads in her eyes. He crawls under the covers with her, and pulls her against him once more, arms coming around her.

“Come here,” he says, and runs a cool hand through her hair. “Let it out. I’ve got you.”

The simple act of kindness from her friend sends Lucy off into another round of heaving spasms. _My mother, now my father_ – _I fucking can’t handle this,_ she thinks. _How do I ever come back from this?_

She weeps in silent agony, curling her body tight around Gray, tears and snot and spit drenching his shirt. She’s too far gone to be embarrassed, only faintly aware of him running a soothing hand up and down her back. After some time she cries herself out, and a wave of blissful darkness eventually overtakes her.

When Lucy peels her swollen, congealed eyes open, it’s to the tawny amber light of late evening painting her bedroom. Gray is sitting against her windowsill looking out, long legs stretched across her bed, and she is nestled within the circle of his arms, face planted against his chest.

He feels her stir and looks down at her. She peels her sticky face off his torso and they take the measure of each other in silence.

“Was Loke here, earlier?” Lucy finally asks, looking around her in confusion. Her thoughts are still a jumble. 

“Yeah,” Gray replies, gruffly. “I think he felt you and let himself out of his gate. He came and got me.”

“Oh,” Lucy exhales, wondering why the celestial spirit hadn’t stayed himself, why he went straight to retrieve Gray.

“Do you want me to leave?” Gray asks gently. “You might need some time alone.”

“No.” Lucy shakes her head vehemently, grabbing onto his wrists. “Can you – please stay for a while longer? I’m not sure I can be alone right now.”

Gray nods and settles back against the window. The answer to her own question hits her in an instant, startling her into stillness.

Loke chose to bring Gray because Gray is the one who would get it. Because Gray is the one who would get _her_. Because he understands piercing loss intimately, has gone through more than his share in this lifetime; because he is the only one she would have wanted to be by her side as she broke. Gray is the one who would have looked at her in perfect understanding and acceptance and let her cry in silence, and he is doing just that – holding her quietly and not offering empty platitudes, grieving in his own way with her.

Loke intuitively understood something about her and Gray that even they didn’t fully grasp themselves. Lucy registers that distantly, files it away for another day when she could see past such anguish. At the moment, she feels a sharp surge of gratitude flow through her towards both Gray and her celestial spirit, then immediate guilt as she remembers something.

“Weren’t you supposed to be taking a job with Juvia today? You should go, I’ll be ok here–”

Gray brushes her off brusquely. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right where I need to be.”

Lucy closes her eyes tightly at his words, feeling the familiar pinprick of tears press against her eyelids. “They told me he passed last month. If we had just come back a little sooner, I could have – I didn’t even get to see him. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

“We so rarely get to,” Gray says quietly, and in his eyes she can see the old wounds peering out, the guilt and anguish that never really get buried under but lie in wait, just out of reach.

Lucy presses her forehead against his shoulder, her own body trembling. “Seven years, Gray,” she mumbles. “Yet only a week for us. What the fuck happened? I don’t think we’ve even come close to figuring out what that time has cost us.”

“I know,” he murmurs back, his arms tightening around her.

“I just saw him, you know? When I went to help out that merchant guild. I thought I’d pay him another visit after we got back from Tenrou Island, see how he was doing with his new business. But it was seven years for him – seven years of knowing I was missing, hoping his daughter was still alive out there somewhere.” Lucy feels a sob rising up to clog her throat once more. “I can’t even imagine what he went through during that time. I told myself that I would never, ever forgive him for what he did to my mother, what he did to me. But he sent gifts every year on my birthday to an empty apartment, he paid all my rent. He never gave up on me–”

Lucy chokes on her words. She feels the cracks in the dam, the reservoir of tears she thought she had temporarily shored up, the next wave rearing up to drown her. All her life she had resented her distant father, too busy with his business to prioritize his daughter; wishing for a family that loved her. It turns out she had that loving family all along, except now it was too late. The hours had ticked by, stolen her father and any chance they had left of reconciliation, and left her behind.

“I’m an orphan.”

The full weight of that realization presses her down deep, into a place of heavy darkness. Gray cups his hand around her chin and tilts her head up to face him.

“Yes, but you’re not alone, Lucy. We’re all here with you. You are going to get through this.” There is urgency in his voice, but also conviction. She sees her own sorrow reflected in his dark eyes. “You will pick yourself up and keep walking forward. You will break into pieces, but when you finally put yourself back together again, you’ll be stronger because of it.”

It’s the tiny, ironic smile he gives her that pulls her back from the void. There is a light in his eyes, blazing bright and unwavering, and she clings to it like a lifeline. She remembers that Gray has walked this path, has come out the other side, and she trusts him implicitly to lead her through. Lucy reaches for his hand and he is there to meet her, curling his fingers around hers.

Even so, tonight, the darkness encroaches relentlessly. A thought troubles her, brushing against the frayed edges of her emotions, and her face crumples under its onslaught. 

“He told me he loved me, and I never once said it back,” she whispers in anguish, and once more, lets the despair and the guilt and the remorse come crashing over her.

She thinks she feels Gray press a kiss into her hair. She leans back into the solidity of him, allowing him to support her pain, knowing he was strong enough and aching for some of his strength to leach into her. Finally, exhaustion overcomes her at last.

When she wakes up again a few hours later, it is to the cold gleam of a full moon peeking through her curtains. Gray’s body is angled towards hers, eyes closed and breathing deep and even, one arm slung loosely across her hip. She takes the opportunity to study his face closely, noting with dull surprise the tear tracks on his cheeks. She reaches out with a shaky hand and swipes her thumb across the wetness, watching his dark eyelashes flutter against her fingertips. She cannot remember the last time she’s seen Gray Fullbuster cry.

“Thank you,” she whispers, stroking the smooth skin of his cheekbone.  

A movement on her other side startles her and she pushes herself up halfway to the sight of Natsu fast asleep on the opposite side of the bed, one arm thrown up over his face, left foot tangled firmly around hers. Happy is curled in a furry blue ball, tucked down beside her thigh and snoring softly. A tiny smile inadvertently steals across her face.

Lucy feels wrung out and brittle, eyes puffy and skin blotchy, more fragile and uncertain than she has been in a long while, but as she settles herself between her two boys, there is a small bloom of something that erupts in her heart, sending shaky tendrils around her chest that lighten the darkness somewhat. She lets the harmony of their steady breathing lull her back to sleep.

* * *

It’s over a week before Lucy ventures into the guildhall. It’s not that she’s been avoiding it, exactly; it’s just that she needed a couple of days to be by herself in her apartment and process things. Her life feels surreal at the moment, like everything is moving at half speed. There’s a numbness in her chest, a heavy weight that smothers her with viscous potency. She cries in her sleep and wakes up with half-remembered dreams and exhaustion chasing her.

She’s had visitors drop by to see her, of course: Erza, Wendy, Cana, Levy, even the trio of Exceeds. She’s always enjoyed company, but the limits of her emotional capacity are strained these days and being with people drained her after a short amount of time. To her surprise, Gray had been with her the most often, stopping by with food or a book she might like, hanging out at her apartment for hours on end. Sometimes they wouldn’t even interact much, him reading on the couch while she dozed fitfully on her bed, but she had come to find his presence oddly comforting and not the least bit draining. Sometimes they would be joined by Natsu and Happy, and she took solace in the life they breathed into her small space. However, in the past few days she hasn’t seen either of the boys much. Natsu had taken a job and Gray had made himself scarce lately, perhaps sensing her need for some solitude. 

Nevertheless, there is only so much of being by herself she can take after a while. She misses the comfort of being around her guildmates, even if she isn’t feeling particularly chatty. She takes her journal with her, with the idea of finding a sunny corner to write in while still being in the proximity of her friends. It’s a quiet afternoon at the guildhall, with several members out on jobs, and as she slips through the door familiar faces greet her with friendly, welcoming exclamations, happy to see her back. Natsu and Happy are chowing down on a huge meal a few tables over, back from their job, while Wendy and Carla are busy with what looks like a pile of knitting. Mirajane is manning the bar, conversing with Elfman, and Erza is admiring a beautifully decorated cake that Cana is impatiently holding. Gray is seated at the bar with a chattering Juvia, whiskey glass in hand, and he nods at her as she walks by him. Lucy waves at everyone, then finds a seat in the back corner by a window, flipping open her journal.

Journaling has always helped her sort through things, and soon she’s lost in the rhythmic cadence of putting pen to paper. A while later, a thump on the wooden bench jolts her out of her focus, and she looks up to see Gray slide a glass of her favorite rosé over to her, the glass perfectly chilled after it leaves his hand.

“Figured you could use a drink.”

Lucy smiles her thanks at him. “You sure know the way to a girl’s heart.”

Gray scoffs. “You? You’re a cheap date.”

Lucy sticks her tongue out at him, then takes a sip of her wine and sighs in appreciation. “It may be cheap but it’s damn good stuff.”

Gray laughs. “It’s basically sweet juice. I’ll spring for the harder stuff next time.”

“Who’s the cheap date now?” Lucy retorts, and Gray grins at her. Lucy motions over to Erza. “Speaking of sweets, why’s Cana holding a cake and not a keg?”

“Apparently she lost some kind of bet with Erza and had to bake a cake for her. She’s been slaving away all morning making it, too.”

Lucy notes Erza’s enthralled expression and Cana’s forlorn one and snickers. “I didn’t know Cana had it in her. Never get between Erza and her cakes.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Gray shudders in fearful recollection, then looks back at her in all seriousness. “How you holding up?”

Lucy shrugs. “It comes and goes. Some days are worse than others.”

His eyes are clear with understanding. “One day at a time, Luce.”

She nods and picks up her pen, and Gray tilts his head at her journal. “You journaling or working on your novel?” 

“Journaling.”

“Are you ever going to share?” He attempts to peer at her writing and Lucy snaps her cover shut in alarm.

“Of course not! Don’t you know a journal is a girl’s most private possession?” she exclaims, aghast.

“But don’t you write about me?” He grins salaciously.

Lucy is momentarily taken aback. “Um, maybe?”

“Doesn’t that give me the right to see it?” Gray cajoles, and Lucy senses he’s enjoying needling her.

“I write about everyone. Therefore no one gets to see,” she sniffs.

Without warning her journal gets snatched out of her hands from behind. She jumps up in a panic to see Natsu flipping through its leather-bound pages, brow furrowed in concentration. “You write about me in here? What’s it say about me?”

“Hey! Give that back!” Lucy shouts, leaping to grab it from his hands, but Natsu dances away, winking and flashing her a wide grin. 

“Aw, come on, Lucy. There are no secrets between friends!”

“Natsu! You ass! Give that back this instant!” Lucy throws a wad of napkins at him, but he dodges away, laughing.

“Hey, Flame Breath! Keep your hands to yourself!”

Predictably, Natsu is tackled by Gray from behind, and they roll seamlessly into a scuffle, fists flying and hurling insults with gusto. Happy darts into the fray and emerges a second later, fluttering over to Lucy with her journal clasped in his paws.

“Here, Lucy,” he says. “I didn’t want this to get ruined. Natsu’s just being a big dummy.”

“Thanks, Happy,” she says gratefully, then sighs in resignation. “He's not the only big dummy.”

As Natsu lands a kick and Gray counterpunches, they go tumbling into Erza and her cake. It explodes onto the floor with a glorious splatter. There is a deafening silence as Gray and Natsu abruptly freeze, identical expressions of terror on their faces.

Erza is still for a long, agonizing moment, imperturbably flicking off flecks of cake from her pristine armor, before she coolly pulls out her sword and presses the sharp, glittering edge against the neck of both boys.

“You’ve ruined the cake Cana made me,” she says with deathly calm. “She put her heart and soul into it, too. Now you will pay for your sins.”

“Wait! No! We’re so sorry!” both Natsu and Gray wail in unison, dropping to their knees in front of her. “Please don’t kill us!”

Erza bares her teeth in a grimace. “I demand penance. You will bake me another one, even more beautiful than the last.”

“Wait, what?” Gray looks stunned, while Natsu looks around in confusion. “Do you think either of us knows how to bake?!”

“Real men know how to bake!” Elfman interjects, helpfully.

Erza smiles, slow and predatory. “Cana will teach you, isn’t that right?” She looks at Cana, who cringes and nods hastily.

Erza prods both boys up with the tip of her sword and they duck behind the bar, properly chastened. Erza takes a seat on a barstool, crosses her legs primly, and supervises as Cana begins to dig out pots and pans in resignation, stopping to take a large, impressive swig from a nearby liquor bottle, then dumping the rest of its contents into a mixing bowl.

A few minutes later, as Lucy watches Natsu and Gray don frilly aprons and begin making a bigger mess than the one that landed them in this mess, flour and sugar flying chaotically and both of them looking completely clueless, laughter explodes out of her. She guffaws and snorts and has to brace herself against the table, wiping her eyes, the laughter continuing to rumble out of her from deep within her abdomen. She can’t remember the last time she laughed like this, and the act of it lifts a weight from her shoulders. Her heart feels a little less heavy, today.

She’s grateful there are some things that don’t change. 

* * *

When Lucy wakes up on that bright blue morning a few weeks later, she knows exactly what day it is. She had looked up train schedules the previous night and knows the first train leaves Magnolia Station at 6:45am. She has just enough time to brush her teeth, run a brush through her hair haphazardly, grab a purse, and jog out the door.

There is a small flower shop opposite the station, and Lucy pops in to greet the owner, who has just unlocked the store. Inside the station, Lucy takes a quick survey around her, noting the deserted platforms at the early hour, then boards the train to Hargeon. She walks past rows of empty seats and sparsely populated train cars until she finds him slouched across two seats in the back of the second to last car.

Without preamble, she plops into the seat next to him, hip bumping him to force him to make room for her. He starts in surprise to see her, eyes widening and darting down to the armful of lilies she’s carrying.

“Luce, what are you doing here?”

She smiles serenely at him. “I figured you’d catch the first train and slip out before anyone at the guild would ask questions.”

Gray narrows his eyes at her. “Are you stalking me?” A thought occurs to him, and he whirls to his feet to peer behind their seats.

Lucy snorts and yanks him back down. “Paranoid much, Fullbuster? I’m pretty sure Juvia is back at the guild hall, waiting to serve you breakfast.”

Gray turns and studies her. “You remembered?”

Lucy nods briefly. “Of course, and you forgot these, dummy.” She plants the bouquet in his lap, careful not to jostle the petals too much.

Gray accepts it in quiet astonishment. “You remembered,” he says wonderingly.

“How could I forget something like this, Gray? I was there with you on Galuna Island. Ur’s been gone a year now–” Lucy stops and catches herself, closes her eyes briefly in regret. “No, seven years now. And you weren’t able to visit her until now. You’ve been robbed of these seven years just as much as I have.”

Gray is staring at her mutely. Lucy meets his eyes and waits, patiently. He finally sighs.

“You should go back home. There’s a reason I’m taking the early train. This is going to take the entire day, and I won’t be back until late.” His voice is clipped and tight, but Lucy doesn’t budge. She crosses her arms.

“Nope. You’re not doing this alone. If you need some privacy on Galuna, I’ll go visit with Bobo and the other villagers. But this is what friends do for each other – I’m not letting you go through this day on your own.”

Gray furrows his brow in annoyance and opens his mouth to speak, but Lucy places a placating hand on his arm. “Please, Gray. You were there for me with my dad – I know you’re used to doing things on your own – but please let me be there for you.”

The annoyance melts from Gray’s face and he nods once, curtly. As the train whistle blows and it begins pulling out of the station, Lucy slides onto the seat opposite him, trying to give him some space. For the duration of the trip, Gray stares out the window, his gaze distant and stony. Lucy observes him from behind the pages of her magazine, wondering at the thoughts going through his head.

On Galuna Island, she had seen the devastation on his face when he saw the remnants of Deliora and Ur’s iced shell still encased around it. She had witnessed his heartbreak as what was left of Ur finally melted, her essence flowing downstream to bleed into the sea. Gray had dealt with the loss of his former mentor the best he could as a child, but then to come face to face with the tangible evidence of her ultimate sacrifice years later as an adult, and to lose her all over again, knowing there was nothing he could do to save her for the second time – Lucy aches at the losses Gray has had to go through in his life. He had opened up to her a little bit on Galuna, but she had only joined the team fairly recently back then and their relationship had been so new, she hadn’t wanted to pry. After they had gotten back from the mission he had shuttered up and never spoke about Ur again.

Gray had never been one to be loquacious about his feelings or share whatever he was going through. Unlike her and Natsu, who wore their hearts on their sleeves, it was easy to overlook Gray and assume he was doing fine. Lucy thinks back to the night he held her in his arms as she mourned her father, waking up in the middle of the night to find tears on his cheeks. Something in her heart twists. She thinks about loss and legacy, and how the past always shaped you, no matter how much you wanted to escape it. She and Gray were both orphans now, but they had both been bequeathed legacies they had to live up to, and sometimes it could be a crushing burden. Lucy squares her shoulders. She wasn’t about to let Gray face this day, the anniversary of Ur’s death, alone, especially after so many years away.

Gray has been tight-lipped about what he encountered while they were on Tenrou Island, but Lucy knows he confronted Ultear, Ur’s long-lost daughter, who was the architect behind the hell they went through on the island. She can only imagine how painful that must have been. And then to come back, seven years later, to see Lyon – always his contemporary and rival – age past him and grow even further apart; it must have truly shaken Gray. Lyon was the closest thing Gray had to a brother, despite their complicated relationship. _Well, him and Natsu_ , Lucy muses. _Whom he also has a complicated relationship with. For such a self-possessed and introspective guy, Gray sure lost his shit easily when it came to the two men in his life he grew up with_. Lucy taps a finger against her lips as she stares absentmindedly at him, lost in her deliberations, and Gray, as if sensing the direction of her thoughts, finally turns his head from the window and quirks an exasperated eyebrow at her.

“You done psychoanalyzing me?”

Lucy jumps, flushing. “I, um, ah, wasn’t doing that!” She glares at him crossly. “Stop that. Stop getting into my head.”

Gray flashes a smirk at her. He stands up abruptly and offers out a hand to pull her up. Lucy hadn’t even noticed the train had pulled into its destination.

“Well, are you coming? Let’s go find a boat.”

* * *

Since the curse of Galuna Island had been lifted by them seven years ago, the villagers on the island had opened themselves up to the mainland, and Lucy is surprised to see how many boats were now traveling to and from the island from Hargeon Port. It seems that in the intervening years they had been gone, a bustling trade and tourism industry had sprung up on Galuna Island. She and Gray have no trouble finding a fishing boat to take them over.

On the island, they make their way over to the small cove below the cave where they had once found Deliora. It’s a small, quiet inlet, soft white sand and the ocean stretching away in a cerulean blaze as far as the eye can see, a gurgling stream trickling down from the rocky cavern above them to meet the sea, the place where Ur made her final journey.

Lucy hangs back hesitantly as she watches Gray stoop down and cup his hand reverently through the stream.

“Do you want to spend some time alone? I can go back to the village and wait for you,” she asks tentatively.

Gray looks back at her, an expression she can’t quite read on his face. “No. Stay,” he says quietly.

Lucy nods in assent, and makes a seat for herself far up on the sandy shore, giving Gray as much space as possible. She leans back on her hands and takes in the brilliant blue sky, the sound of the waves lapping rhythmically onto the shore, the stream cheerfully burbling its way down. Lucy is suddenly fiercely glad for the existence of this beautiful place – a final gift from Ur to her pupil; a place Gray can come to anytime he needs to, a place to find his peace. Lucy curls her knees tightly to her chest, unexpectedly feeling like an intruder sitting on hallowed ground.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Gray chuck off shoes, pants, shirt, and clad in boxers, he approaches the water’s edge. He steps into the surf, and Lucy sees his lips move, but she is too far away to hear. She closes her own eyes, granting Gray some privacy. She isn’t sure how long he talks to Ur for, but when she opens her eyes he is looking right at her, beckoning her over. Lucy scrambles up, brushing off her hands, and lopes down to the surf to join him. Gray picks up the discarded bouquet of lilies on the sand nearby. 

“Help me with these?” he asks, and Lucy kicks off her sandals and follows him deeper into the surf. The water is warmer than expected, and when the tide is lapping past her knees, they scatter the petals across the waves, watching the sea swallow the blossoms of white and carry them farther and farther away, towards the unending horizon.

“I miss you,” Lucy hears Gray murmur, face turned to the sun and the sea. “I hope you’ve found your peace.”

When the last flower is offered to the water, Lucy discovers wetness pricking at her own eyes, the yearning in her heart following the steady drift of those white blossoms upon the blue swell. Her own grief was still so close, ebbing and flowing like the pulse of the waves, an ever-present ache around her heart. 

 _I miss you too, dad. I hope wherever you are, you were able to find mom._  

She and Gray stand there for a long time, shoulder to shoulder, letting the swell of the ocean drum against their bodies and the sun soak into bare skin. When she finally turns to him, she finds him returning her gaze, his eyes shining with unspoken emotion.

“You know, I lost her a long time ago, but for some reason I feel her presence so strongly here.”

“I think she’s all around you,” Lucy says gently. “She’s a part of the sea now, and she’s also a part of you, and you will always carry a part of her with you wherever you go.” 

Gray nods, and his hands tighten into fists at his sides. “I’ve never told anyone this, but the last thing she ever said to me before she ran to that monster was that she was protecting my future. She told me she was sealing my darkness away. She told me to face the light.” He takes a deep, unsteady breath. “I think about that a lot. I don’t know if it's true. The darkness is still there, and there are days when that’s all I can see. She gave up her life for me, and most of the time I’m terrified that I’m not living up to her sacrifice.” 

Lucy hears the crack in his voice, sees the way he turns his face away, and instinctively she steps closer to him and reaches out for his hand.

“She gave you the greatest gift she could – your future. It’s not meant to be a done deal. It’s up to you to figure it out, one step at a time. And the dark days are what let us appreciate the lighter ones.” Lucy turns to face him fully, needing him to hear her words. “Trust me, you get through the dark days with the people who care about you, not alone. I didn’t know Ur, but I know her student, and I know what an amazing man he grew up to be. He’s an incredible friend, one of the strongest wizards I know, a man who is thoughtful and kind and resilient. She would have been so proud of you.”

Gray swallows hard, returning her grip tightly, cool fingers squeezing her own. He is quiet for several seconds before he finally speaks.

“Luce, I – there’s something I think I should tell you.”

There is a part of her, deep down, that knows what he is going to say. There is a part of her that ratchets up her heart rate and sends her innermost longing floating up and up, soaring over the cresting waves. But there is the other part of her that barks a warning, calls out a caution in big, bold letters. The part of her that second guesses herself and casts self-doubt and stirs all her emotions into a giant whirlpool, grief and fear and guilt and hope and desire all mixed together so she suddenly can’t decipher one from the other. 

Lucy looks at Gray, and he searches her eyes intently for a long moment. He is so close she can pick out the flecks of lighter blue in his dark eyes. His raven hair, windblown and salt-whipped, falls across his face, and Lucy has a sudden urge to dig her fingers into the luxurious thickness of it, and she has to forcibly stop herself from reaching out.

He can read her like a book. Lucy isn’t sure what he sees in her eyes but she instinctively knows it isn’t what he’s looking for, that flash of uncertainty and tumult she is unable to hide. Gray gives her a small, crooked smile and huffs out a shaky laugh. He takes a half step back, letting go of her hand.

“I meant to say – Ur would have liked you.”

Lucy smiles in genuine delight, accepting the praise, and the deflection in turn. “I would have liked her, too.”

Gray grins at her abruptly, swift and dazzling. It sends an unexpected frisson of electricity up Lucy’s spine.

“The light Ur wanted me to walk towards,” he says to her softly. “I finally understand what she means.”

She almost thinks she imagines the brush of his fingers, featherlight across her cheek, were it not for the simultaneous trails of ice and fire they leave behind. Gray turns around and begins the trek back up the shore, and Lucy watches him go, feeling something hard and heavy lodge behind her breastbone.

* * *

It is late evening by the time they land back in Hargeon and catch the last train back to Magnolia. Tired and slightly sunburnt, Lucy drowses in companionable silence next to Gray, their shoulders grazing against each other. The darkened landscape slips past the windows for miles before Gray speaks.

“Thank you for coming.”

Lucy beams at him. “Told ya. You should always listen to me. Being a lone wolf sucks, huh?”

Gray rolls his eyes, but she catches the slight twitch of his mouth. He doesn’t say anything further. As they drift back into an easy stillness, Lucy reflects back over the day. Something has subtly shifted between the two of them today, some barrier lifted, a line in the sand erased and redrawn. She and Gray are perching on the edge of a precipice, and one deliberate step by either one of them would send them careening down into uncharted territory. She had seen the intent in his eyes today, barely veiled beneath layers of other emotion, but like her, he had peered over the chasm and taken a step back. It was that one moment of striking clarity, waiting with bated breath for what he was going to say, and then the immediate crush of alarm and confusion, that rattles her. Her emotions feel like a turbulent storm she is cast adrift on. 

The one thing that has been crystal clear amidst the turmoil of her life lately has been Gray. His presence has been a calming light, a beacon she trusts to lead her out of the heavy mist that she sometimes thinks might suffocate her. She doesn’t know how she would have gotten through the last few weeks of upheaval and grief without him by her side, his solid friendship and unwavering steadiness. Gray was a rock in the tempest; a comforting signpost amid the chaos, whose lettering clustered around a clear definition: friend; guildmate; family. The last thing she wanted was to go back to that awful place of uncertainty and tongue-tied awkwardness. The bond she shared with Gray had become an even more integral part of her life in the intervening time, and nothing, _nothing_ , was worth risking that.

Lucy wonders about the what ifs: what if Gray hadn’t been with the group on Tenrou Island; what if she had woken up to find him aged nearly a decade beyond her and living a life that had left her behind. She thinks that might have torn her apart.

“Gray?” Lucy murmurs.

“Yeah?” He shifts a little closer to her.

“I’m glad we lost those seven years together.”

He understands, as he always does.

“Me too,” he replies quietly.

* * *

Losing Michelle so soon after the loss of her father doesn’t destroy her like she thought it would. It’s like her heart has grown calluses, inured against further loss, bracing for the worst at this point. She accepts the betrayal and subsequent goodbye as stoically as she can, feeling the barbs hit their mark and dig into her heart, ripping them out with practiced efficiency. So Michelle wasn’t actually her long-lost cousin, as close as a sister, but her forgotten childhood doll brought to life, who tried to kill her? Well, she had been through worse. Try being frozen for seven years and waking up to a different world, a world where her guildmates had moved on with their lives, a world where she never got to reconcile with her father before he died. She can handle whatever life has left to throw at her, because she’s really over surprises at this point. 

She isn’t sure when she became so cynical. It’s ironic, because that bright-eyed, innocent, hopeful girl is still inside her somewhere, but lately she’s been tempered, blunt curves filed into sharper edges, wide-open heart peeled back to reveal the brittle insulation beneath. Maybe this was all part of the process Gray was talking about, Lucy thinks. You break into pieces and learn to put yourself back together again, but the pieces don’t quite fit the way they did before. You close off your heart before you learn to pry it back open. You equilibrate optimism with realism.

Lucy doesn’t remember much about her time being melded to the infinity clock, her memories a haze of fragmented images and blurry impressions. A tower of light and flame, a dark shadow spread vast across the land, the drumbeat of a thousand wings, an island sinking into the sea. A red-headed girl with a cruel smile, the bitter taste of defeat in her mouth, flame and ash roiling across a broken city, a swirling constellation of stars spread out above her. A flash of pink hair and a familiar laugh, a glimpse of raven hair and warm indigo eyes, a steady heartbeat beneath her palms, lean arms entwined tightly around her. Lucy doesn’t know if these are her own memories or someone else’s, if these are things that have been or have yet to be; time, once linear, is now curved and bending in upon itself. She is and isn’t, simultaneously; existing and non-existent, a speck in the void, floating in infinite darkness. There is a burst of light, blinding and white, sparking behind her retinas, and the next thing she is consciously aware of is falling, the strange sensation of being weightless at a great height, watching the ground streak up to meet her. 

Then there are wiry arms wrapped around her, a sharp tumble to the ground and she opens her eyes to see a familiar beaming face and messy pink hair. She has never been happier to see him.

“I’ve got you, Lucy,” Natsu says to her, and his grin is infectious, lighting up his entire being, and Lucy returns it in kind. 

“You always do,” she tells him, throwing her arms around him, feeling the warm, comforting pulse of him against her body. Reflexively, she glances over Natsu’s shoulder. She doesn’t have far to search; he’s standing a few feet away from them, indigo eyes immediately meeting her own. She reads the stark relief in them, the worry and fear melting off his features, and then something else, something that looks like quiet acceptance, steal across the sharp edges of his countenance.

Gray grants her a small smile and a brief nod before stepping deftly aside to make way for Happy and Wendy, who throw themselves on Lucy and Natsu in a delighted tangle of arms, legs and fluttering wings. Any misgiving she may have felt at seeing Gray’s expression is driven from her thoughts by the happy weight of her friends on top of her, and the sheer relief of being back in her own skin, corporeal again, her thoughts and memories once more her own.

Two days later the Legion Platoon is at Fairy Tail’s door, and it is Dan Straight who returns Michelle back to her.

He comes up to her during the impromptu party the guild breaks out into, getting down on one knee with a flourish and planting a kiss on her left hand.

 _Always with the grand gestures_ , Lucy groans inwardly, but pastes a smile onto her face and waits him out patiently. Behind her she can immediately sense Natsu and Gray make a beeline towards her, and she rolls her eyes.

“The fuck is with this guy?” Gray mutters, crossing his arms and glaring daggers at the knight.

“This chump again? Hey you – let’s me and you go again! I’ll kick your butt this time for real!” Natsu yells, flames trailing from his fists.

Lucy pointedly ignores them, and to his credit, so does Dan.

“My sweet Lucy-pie, please accept your humble knight in shining armor, here to return that which you hold dearest and lost,” Dan declares dramatically. Lucy raises her eyebrows, and beside her, Gray’s frosty glower could freeze most mortal men.

Sensing he was in precarious territory, Dan thrusts Michelle, rag doll form limp and faded, at Lucy. She stares at her childhood toy in astonishment, then accepts it with startled gratefulness, cradling the doll delicately in her hands. She looks at Dan with tears in her eyes, slides forward onto her toes and presses a kiss onto his cheek. 

“Thank you,” she says to him, truly touched. “You don’t know what this means to me.”

Dan has flushed bright red, for once rendered speechless, a gauntlet-clad hand pressed to his cheek. Lucy ambles away slowly, lost in contemplation, Natsu gazing after her with dropped jaw, Gray’s scowl deepening.

They come find her later that evening at her apartment, ducking through the open window to discover Erza, Wendy, Carla and Lucy clustered around her coffee table, sipping mugs of tea and giggling over the latest guild gossip.

Wordlessly, Erza gets up to grab extra mugs and Lucy puts out a plate of fish from her fridge for a delighted Happy. Gray sprawls across his usual spot on her couch, accepting a mug of tea from her appreciatively, but Natsu prowls around her apartment for a few minutes, peering warily at the Michelle doll, arranged carefully on her top bookshelf with an unobstructed view of the entire room. 

“Erhm, Lucy?” Natsu scratches his head uncomfortably. “Are you really going to keep the doll? I mean, I know she used to be Michelle, I think – but no offense, the whole thing is really weird and having her sit here and stare at us all the time now is kinda creepy.”

“Of course she is. Don’t speak about Michelle that way. She fought with honor and spirit for what she believed in. She is a true warrior,” Erza retorts curtly.

“She’s family,” Lucy states simply, and as always, her gaze gravitates towards the ice mage on her couch. He smiles at her in perfect understanding.

“Sometimes you get to choose your family. Sometimes they choose you. And sometimes you realize that the family you were trying so hard to run from was your family all along.” Lucy looks around her apartment and soaks in the sight of her friends crammed around the small space, permeating it with life, love and laughter. She may have lost her father and Michelle, but this tribe of misfits and oddballs had taken her in without question and called her one of their own. She feels her heart fill, and fill, and fill. 

Family, she was coming to realize, came in all definitions and forms. They could confound you and drive you to the point of insanity or rage or despair, but in the end, the common denominator was love. There was always love. 

Natsu chuckles. “You had me at family.”

* * *

Everything changes at the Grand Magic Games.

She was finally starting to adjust to her new reality, coming to terms with the losses of the past seven years and sorting through the dynamics of changing relationships, both old and new. Seeing Macao and Wakaba with grey in their hair and hard-earned wisdom in the lines of their faces. Getting to know Romeo as a young man. Spending time with Bisca, Alzack and the newest member of the guild, their little girl Asuka. Forgiving Laxus and welcoming him back into the fold. And, always in the back of her mind these days, trying to figure out how to navigate the shifting lines of her relationship with Gray. 

She was learning how to move forward, step into the contours of her new life. She was learning how to put herself back together, how to live with the pain, lessening a little each day. But just as it was before Tenrou Island, as soon as she begins to feel the slightest ease with her current reality, everything she thought she knew gets flipped on its head.


	2. Chapter 2

Lucy is surprised to have been chosen as part of the team for the Grand Magic Games. She wasn’t exactly a heavy hitter on her own, unlike other members of the guild. But Erza reassures her that the Master had chosen them for the cohesiveness of their teamwork, and that the Grand Magic Games would require more skills than just brute force. It’s clear that helping Fairy Tail rise from the bottom ranked guild in Fiore to the top was about more than just pride for all of them, it was a way to repay and redeem those of their guild who had never given up on the Tenrou Island group; those who had spent seven long years searching and waiting for them to come home.

She’s shocked when Gray crashes out of the first round of the Games. Because if there is anyone who has both the combat skills and the cool analytical ability to be a serious contender in the Games, it was Gray. But as a guild, they had collectively underestimated the skills of their enemies and the extent of the vicious lengths they would go to target members of Fairy Tail.

Gray brushes brusquely past her and the rest of the team after the round is called, eyes icy and turbulent. She can read the frustration and tension in every line of his body, but he refuses to meet her eyes, stalking off towards the stadium exit in stormy silence. Her first instinct is to run after him, but her name is called for the next battle round, and Lucy readies herself for her shot.

The fight with Flare does not go how she expects it to. She knows for sure she had that red-headed bitch on the ropes with her Urano Metria spell with Gemini, but the spell had dissipated before the final crescendo, leaving her disoriented and trembling on the ground. It takes her a sluggish while to realize that Raven Tail has somehow cheated, and combined with the knowledge that Flare had also held little Asuka hostage during the match, Lucy has to bite back sobs of frustration. The boos of the crowd are deafening and humiliating. It is Natsu who walks onto the arena floor and picks her up.

“Hey now. No crying,” he tells her gently, pulling her to her feet. “You were amazing. Zero points? Sounds great to me. This is our chance to make an epic comeback.”

The ever-present confidence in his voice, the absolute certainty in his eyes grounds her, and Lucy puts her faith in her best friend. He has never led her wrong.

“Yeah. I’m all fired up now,” she tells him through her tears, and Natsu grins back at her.

At the end of the first day, Lucy parts ways with Natsu and Erza, who are both headed to the local bar Fairy Tail has taken up residence in, no doubt to drown their sorrows in a long night of raucous drinking with the rest of their guild. Lucy wants nothing more than to take a long, hot bath, nurse her wounds, and wallow in the silence and solitude of their empty hotel room. Except she opens the door to find a sullen Gray perched on the edge of the balcony, scowling out at the city of Crocus. The first thing she notices is that his left hand is a bloody mess, and as she takes it to inspect his torn knuckles, she doesn't miss his quick wince as he yanks his fist out of her grasp.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

Lucy raises a skeptical eyebrow.

Gray glares at her, then relents at the sight of her dirt and tear-smudged face, his own features softening. “I punched a wall,” he admits sheepishly.

Lucy only sighs, and leads him inside the room without a word, motioning for him to sit on the couch. She finds the first aid kit and gets to work patching him up. Gray allows her to fuss over him, watching her in silence for a few moments before he speaks.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, during your match. I needed to get out of that stadium for a bit.” He looks at her apologetically.

Lucy only shrugs and dabs at his knuckle with alcohol. “You didn’t miss much. Only my absolute humiliation in front of the world.”

“Raven Tail cheated, Luce. It’s pretty clear they’re targeting Fairy Tail and they’re playing dirty to do it. You would have kicked that girl’s ass if things hadn’t gone down the way they did. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Lucy looks up at him, startled. “You saw my match?”

Gray nods at the high-definition lacrima screen in the corner of the room. “I may not have been there in person but you know I wouldn’t have missed it.” 

Lucy bites her lip and focuses on bandaging his fist in precise layers. “I’m embarrassed you saw that.”

The touch of gentle fingers on her chin forces her to lift her face to meet his.

“You are one of the strongest wizards I know,” Gray tells her fiercely. “I know you often don’t think that of yourself, but you need to believe it. You have reservoirs of strength others don’t have, and some of the most amazing magic I’ve seen. Remember that we’re Fairy Tail wizards – when we get knocked down, we get back up and punch back.”

Lucy reaches up and clasps his fingers in acknowledgment. His eyes are so intense, his face so close, Lucy could move her own face only a few inches and meet his lips. She takes in how Gray’s eyes flicker down to her own lips, the way he swallows hard. Her own body heats up abruptly in response, a flush creeping downwards from her face and across her clavicle, something in her chest flaring to life with the flutter of wings. She finds herself wondering what his lips would feel like against her own, how it would feel to finally sink her fingers into that silky raven hair, how those corded muscles would feel wrapped around her soft curves.

It is Gray who clears his throat and Lucy shakes herself out of her stupor with a jolt.

“Thanks,” she manages to stutter. “It means a lot to hear that from you. Here you are cheering me up when I should be doing that for you.”

Gray smirks. “There’s no need. I’m feeling better already. And trust me, I plan on paying Raven Tail back ten-fold after what they did to both of us.”

Lucy climbs to her feet, attempting to collect herself. “Let me change, and we should probably head down to the bar. The others are probably wondering where we are.” She points to his newly bandaged hand. “Try not to punch anything else.”

Gray cocks an eyebrow at her. “No promises.”

On her way into the bathroom, Lucy pokes her head out. “Hey, Gray?”

“Yeah?”

“You know it goes both ways, right?”

He looks inquisitively at her.

“I believe in you, too.”

They share a smile before Lucy ducks away.

When they finally make it to the bar, they are greeted with a rowdy cheer by all their guildmates save Juvia, who narrows her eyes at Lucy and zeros in on Gray at her side. Lucy shudders to think what wild scenario Juvia has concocted up in the twisted corridors of her mind, although she can still feel the imprint of Gray’s fingers cradled around her chin and the lingering discomfit of how close her body came to betraying her earlier. _Okay, so maybe not that wild._ Lucy hastens to put some distance between herself and Gray, heading over to join Erza and Cana. It’s been a long, exhausting day. 

* * *

Things are finally starting to look up for Fairy Tail after Erza, Laxus and Cana’s decisive victories bolster spirits and restore hope. Lucy enters the Naval Battle on day four with steely determination to redeem her earlier loss in the tournament. She is able to hold her own, thanks to a lucky break where Juvia loses both her head and strategic upper hand after seeing Gray’s appalled reaction in the stands to the attack she had named after him. Then it’s just Lucy and Sabertooth’s Minerva, squaring off across the expanse of a dense, blue-green sphere.

One minute into the fight, Lucy knows she is hopelessly outclassed in power. But she remembers the unquestionable faith both Natsu and Gray have in her, and she grits her teeth against Minerva’s assault. If she can’t outpower or outmaneuver her way out of this match, then she can sure as hell outlast her opponent. She is a Fairy Tail wizard, after all, and she does not give up. She will fight until her last breath. What Lucy isn’t prepared for, however, is the depth of Minerva’s cruelty. The Sabertooth wizard draws out the match, prolonging the time she has to inflict damage on Lucy, and Lucy knows the older woman is relishing every second. Lucy tries to lean into the blows and kicks raining down upon her, praying the last vestiges of her magic power will provide some remaining protection to her exposed body. Of course this match just had to be in water, fought in bikinis. The organizers of this tournament were a bunch of pervy old men. She would kill to have some of Erza’s armor right now.

She can taste the blood pooling in her mouth, hear a sharp crack in her ribs, haziness spreading across her vision as her face takes a full frontal punch. Dimly, she’s aware of Minerva squeezing tightly against her windpipe as she fights to breathe, holding her at what feels like a great height. Lucy glances downwards out of a swollen eye and knows that if Minerva doesn’t kill her first, the fall surely would. Black spots are starting to encroach on the edges of her vision.

When Minerva finally lets her go, dropping her like a discarded trophy, Lucy feels like she is in freefall for a long, agonizing moment, watching with detached interest as the ground rushes up towards her. But then there are two sets of strong arms around her, two bodies taking the brunt of the impact and cushioning her fall. Her two boys, there for her as always.

In the stands, Natsu, Gray, Erza and Wendy had watched the battle in growing horror, frozen in helplessness. Before Minerva had even let go of Lucy, dangling her over the arena like a rag doll, Natsu and Gray had leaped instinctively over the railing and hit the dirt of the arena floor at a dead run, the rage incandescent on Natsu’s face, dread and terror reflected on Gray’s. They catch her right before she hits the ground in a feat of synchronized athleticism, wordlessly trusting the other, implicit understanding sparking between them in an instant.

Lucy has just enough consciousness left to hear Gray calling her name in a panic, her head cradled in his arms, Natsu on the other side of her bellowing in fury. Darkness overtakes her.

When she wakes, it is to the worried faces of all her friends crowded over her. She is safe in the infirmary ward with Porlyusica fussing over her, bandaged up, bruised and battered, but very much alive. Even the members of team B are in here, Juvia looking chastened, Mirajane smiling cheerfully, Laxus and Gajeel stone-faced in anger. She hears the gentle warmth in Natsu’s chuckle, sees the pride on Erza’s face, the sheer relief in Gray’s eyes as he bends over her.

“You gave me quite a scare,” he says, voice low, fingers tenderly brushing a strand of hair off her face. Lucy can only smile weakly back at him. Happy returns her celestial keys and she hugs them gratefully to her chest, eyes closing once more.

It is late when she wakes up again in a groggy daze, the windowless infirmary room dark and still, illuminated faintly by the clock lacrima on the wall beside the door, which reads close to midnight. She can hear Elfman snoring softly in the adjacent bed through the curtain drawn between them to give some semblance of privacy. Something nudges against her right side, and she glances down to see Gray’s tousled head planted face down on her blankets. The rest of him is perched on the edge of a chair, long legs folded under him, one hand clenched tightly around her own. A part of Lucy isn’t surprised to see him here, and that thing in her chest that she’s starting to associate with him pulses deeply. She works to extricate her hand from his death grip without disturbing him, but he wakes anyway, shifting with a grunt and lifting his head in time to see her shaking off the pins and needles in her hand.

“How are you feeling?” he asks immediately, placing a cool hand over her forehead. Lucy leans into his touch.

“Beaten up,” she admits. “Pride took another thrashing. But I’ll live. Really woozy for some reason.” She rubs her eyes blearily.

“I think Porlyusica gave you something to help you sleep.” Gray smiles quietly at her.

Lucy finds his fingers once more, and he circles them around hers, less tightly this time. “I’m really sorry, Gray. I screwed up. I couldn’t beat her.”

The remorse and self-pity creep over her, and chasing their heels, the bone-deep exhaustion.

“Stop that. You’re being ridiculous.”

Even in the dim light, Lucy knows he’s frowning at her. He opens his mouth to say more, but seems to catch himself as Lucy yawns, fighting to keep her eyes open.

“You did good, Luce,” is all he says, pressing a soft kiss onto the back of her hand.

“It’s late. You should go back to the hotel,” she chides, already knowing he probably wouldn’t. Gray mumbles something that sounds like “later,” but Lucy is sliding over to the side of the small bed, tugging his hand forward onto the covers.

“If you’re going to stay, don’t sleep on the chair,” she murmurs sleepily, and she feels only a brief hesitation before the bed dips under his weight and he settles himself on top of the covers next to her, carefully arranging his limbs so they aren’t in contact with hers. But the bed is small, and Lucy presses herself into his chest, needing the comfort and solace he offered tonight. In the darkness, it was easier to silence the chorus of sorrow and uncertainty and fear that have been her constant companions, and simply listen to the quiet spaces of her heart.

Tonight, Gray is warm and solid beneath her skin, his heartbeat a steady cadence against her cheek, a safe harbor against the outside world. She selfishly takes what he is offering. She feels him shift and drape an arm around her, and Lucy presses her nose against the soft cotton of his shirt and breathes in, letting his familiar scent lull her to sleep.

“I’m not going to let anything hurt you,” she thinks she hears him whisper, but her eyes have already closed.

In the morning, Lucy cracks open her crusty eyes to find Porlyusica bustling around the room, Elfman propped up on the adjacent bed, the curtain drawn open between them. There is an empty indent beside her. The sheets smell woodsy and masculine, a trace of sharp ice magic lingering in the air by her head. _Gray_ , Lucy thinks immediately, and glances around her in confusion, momentarily disoriented. By the bedside table, there is a perfect replica of one of her celestial gate keys carved in ice, the intricate detailing and curlicues taking her breath away. And because Gray knows her, has always known her, she understands immediately what he wanted to remind her of – the strength of her power lying dormant within her; that this, too, was part of the process of finding her feet again. That she wasn’t out for the count yet, not even close. Lucy curls her fingers around the icy key and smiles.

Across from her, Elfman gives her a wide, knowing grin. “He had to leave to rejoin the team. But he stayed the entire night to watch over you. When are you two finally going to man up?” 

* * *

Whatever magic Porlyusica and Wendy used to heal her worked wonders, because Lucy feels well enough on the whole to be discharged in the afternoon. She’s still a bit shaky and low on magic energy, but she’s ready to rejoin her guildmates and see the rest of the Games through. There’s a fire in her belly. 

She chooses to take a meandering route back to the hotel, wanting to soak in some of the celebratory atmosphere of Crocus. It is purely by accident that, crossing past a tucked-away alleyway, she chances upon Juvia, the water mage’s distinctive hat and hair catching Lucy’s eye. She is about to call out a greeting when she realizes Juvia is deep in conversation with none other than Gray Fullbuster, that messy head of raven hair and white coat unmistakable. Something about the way they’re standing, leaning towards each other, speaking in low voices, Gray’s eyes singularly focused on the woman in front of him, stops Lucy in her tracks. She’s too far away to overhear their conversation but even from this distance she knows exactly how the full focus of that indigo gaze feels. The moment between the two feels private and intimate, and Lucy feels like an unwelcome intruder. She stands there uncertainly, torn between wanting to give them their privacy but unable to will her feet to move away. Something inside her begins to ache, creeping through her limbs and catching in her throat. That thing in her chest, lodged solidly beneath her breastbone, begins to throb dully.

It’s only when Juvia reaches out a hand to cup Gray’s cheek, and his own hand lifts up to wrap around hers, that Lucy feels the splinter. The dam inside her, painstakingly constructed over weeks and months, ruptures irrevocably, flooding her with a torrent of bewildering emotion. It feels like someone has lodged a knife blade deep into her chest and twisted, fissures spreading icy fingers across her entire body, her heartbeat loud in her ears as if it is trying to beat its way out of her chest. She can’t seem to remember how to breathe. She thinks she chokes out a gasp, and Gray lifts his head at the sound, but Lucy’s feet have remembered how to move, carrying her swiftly away. 

She ducks into an alleyway of her own a few blocks over and leans against the brick wall, trying to collect herself with slow, deep breaths, in and out. _What the hell is wrong with her?_ Lucy is honestly puzzled by her initial, gut-reaction to the scene she just witnessed, and her first reaction is anger at herself. _Don’t jump to conclusions_ , she lectures herself. _You don’t know what they were talking about._  

Nevertheless, it was hard to ignore the way Gray was looking at Juvia, intent and unwavering, as if nothing else in the world existed. _Maybe he’s finally accepting her affections_. _You were the one who told him to be honest with her, who told him what a nice girl Juvia was, practically told him to go for it. Why do you feel this way right now? It’s not like you have any sort of claim on him._  

But the answer to her question had always been right there, lurking just underneath the surface of her emotions. Not even buried deep enough to be locked away, just deep enough to be constantly pushed aside by denial and self-doubt and confusion, and all the other emotions she had been dealing with in the past few months. Because she did have a claim to Gray. Because he was looking at Juvia the way that Lucy had come to think of as reserved solely for her. As much as she insisted to herself that Gray was only a friend, defined by lines and boundaries she arbitrarily drew around him, he had obviously become much more than that, the bond between them budding and bursting and sinking roots deep into her heart. Those lines were incontrovertibly blurred, now. 

To her credit, Juvia had always been honest and upfront about her feelings towards the ice mage, whereas Lucy had spent her time dancing around her feelings, thrusting them away and trying to shove them into a neatly labeled box because she didn’t want to deal with anything messy she didn’t fully understand or have room for. _God, how deep in denial had she been?_

She remembers something Gray once said to her: that it was the everyday, mundane things you did for someone day in and out, that really mattered in the end. Had he been trying to tell her that all along? She thinks of everything they have gone through together in the past year, all the moments when he was there to pick her up or she was there to let him know he wasn’t alone; a simple touch, a quick smile, a commiserating glance. The way he could lift her spirits with just a look. The wordless, unspoken understanding between them that just felt natural, felt _right_.

Lucy shakes with the weight of her realization, the depths of her true feelings. All those excuses she had been feeding herself – that she didn’t want to ruin the friendship she had with Gray, that she didn’t know what she wanted, didn’t want to hurt Natsu’s feelings, that she would follow Gray’s lead – seem completely insubstantial now. A part of her had always known that Gray felt strongly about her, but had never really acted on his feelings probably due to the same reasons she had given herself. For fuck’s sake, Gemini had practically spelled it out for her, what seems like a lifetime ago. Perhaps he had gotten tired of waiting for her to figure things out. Perhaps Juvia had finally broken down his walls. Being with Juvia was easier, less complicated, compared to all the baggage she brought to the table. Sure, he had stayed with her last night, but she had been injured; perhaps it was friendly concern. 

Lucy fumbles in her pocket and takes out the beautiful ice key Gray had crafted for her only this morning, starting to melt a little in the daylight. She traces its contours, feeling unbidden tears prick at her eyes. She had always assumed she and Gray had time to spare; time to figure out their feelings and how to navigate a brand new reality together. She was starting to realize, with a sudden, creeping sense of foreboding, that perhaps time was running out. She had come to assume that he would be there, as he always was, whenever she needed him. _What a selfish jerk I’ve been,_ Lucy realizes in horror. _Gray deserves to be happy, no matter the cost to me._  

In the alleyway, Lucy sinks to her knees and lets her tears fall. The ultimate irony would be if she had finally figured out what she wanted, only to be too late. Gray has done so much to help her heal her heart – she wasn’t sure if he would be the one to shatter it again.

* * *

Lucy wanders the streets of Crocus for hours, trying to quell the tremors in her heart and tumult in her brain. One thing is clear: she needs to speak with Gray, truthfully, barriers down. If her heart breaks in the process, then so be it. At least she is finally being honest with herself, and him. She’s been broken before; she knows she’ll pick up the pieces eventually.

When she finally dries her eyes and musters up the courage to enter Bar Sun, it’s to the raucous roar of her guildmates, most of whom are several pints in and ecstatic to see her out of the infirmary. Her eyes find Gray immediately, in the back having some sort of drinking contest with Natsu, and both of them come over and give her great, overbearing hugs that nearly knock her over.

“Welcome back, Lucy!” Natsu shouts, shoving a tumbler of wine into her hand. Gray’s grin is the same one she’s always known, the look he’s giving her familiar and warm, and there is nothing out of the ordinary about his interaction with her. All the same, her stomach flutters, anxious and tied in knots. Lucy glances around, but Juvia is nowhere to be seen.

There is a rousing cheer as everyone toasts her and Elfman, also back from the infirmary and halfway through guzzling down an entire keg, and everything is loud, chaotic, jovial. Levy comes over to greet her and Wendy takes her hand. Lucy feels herself finally start to loosen up, start to sink into the comforting unruliness of her guild. She can find a time to talk to Gray later, she tells herself. They can find a quieter time after all this.

Except, as plans tend to go with this guild, she should have known better. Because, you know, dragons attack.

* * *

When royal soldiers take her and Yukino hostage, forcibly dragging her away from her friends, Lucy has a sudden premonition of impending disaster. She knows, with inexplicable certainty, that she cannot be stuck in the palace dungeons. But with scores of soldiers surrounding them and their magic nullified by the Eclipse Gate, resistance seems futile.

“Lucy!” Gray yells frantically, as she reaches out towards him in desperation. But her way is barred by soldiers, two of whom point spears at Gray. She can see the icy fury sweep across his face.

“Sit tight,” he calls across to her, steel in his voice. “We’re going to come get you, I promise.”

She and Yukino are only in their cell for a few hours before Natsu, the Exceed trio and Mirajane come to jailbreak them. She should have known Makarov would send a rescue team. Warmth blossoms inside her.

“Thank you for coming,” she tells Natsu, gratefully grasping his arm. “Where’s Gray?” she blurts before she can stop herself.

Natsu smiles at her, as if it were obvious. “Winning the Games for us!”

“Who took your place on the team?” Lucy asks.

“Juvia.” Natsu shrugs. “Wouldn’t have been my first choice, but I trust the First Master knows what she’s doing. She had this whole strategy worked out about who had to be on the team for us to win.”

A wave of acrid emotion washes over Lucy: disappointment, jealousy, longing. She pushes them away with an effort. There are much bigger things at stake right now. She can feel it in her gut: something momentous is about to go down and they needed to be ready.

She just couldn’t have imagined in her wildest dreams that the bearer of apocalyptic tidings would be herself. Lucy has seen a lot of crazy shit during her time with Fairy Tail that pushed the boundaries of belief, but cradling her own future self as she lies dying is the most surreal experience of her life.

Happy’s choked plea for Lucy to live rips her to shreds. While the cat teased her mercilessly, she never realized the depth of his affection for her until now, as he stands sobbing over her prone form. Even though it’s not really her own body lying there, it _is_ her at the same time; it’s witnessing a future version of her own self die, and all the possibilities of that version of her life die alongside. As Future Lucy takes a last, shuddering breath, all Lucy can think about is: _Did she ever tell Gray how she felt? Did she ever find happiness?_

She watches the life leave her own brown eyes, and there is a shocked numbness in her heart. Happy crawls into her lap, stunned, and she lifts him in her arms and buries her face into his soft blue fur, feeling his small paws come around her.

Yet another loss, another gaping hole punched through the fabric of her life. _When does it end?_ _How much can a heart take?_

When Natsu launches himself in a crazed fury at this future version of Rogue, this man who murdered her with cruel deliberation, he screams at her to leave. Somehow she stumbles to her feet, Happy pulling at her insistently, and forces herself to move. Her first instinct is to carry Future Lucy’s body, wanting to protect her at all costs, even in death, but she understands her immediate priority is to get herself to the Eclipse Gate. She makes a promise to herself that she will come back for her. All of a sudden, there is a fierce resolve burning through her chest, its raging white light cleansing any other thoughts or emotions from her body: she is going to protect the future of her loved ones, even if it kills her. She is going to make what time she has left count.

She is not going to let her own sacrifice be in vain. 

When the first dragon roars its way out of the Eclipse Gate an hour later, Lucy realizes the nightmare is only beginning. As she pours all of her magic energy into closing the gate, hands gripping Yukino’s tightly, she digs deep, deeper than she ever has before, and finds a reservoir of strength she didn’t know she had. Gray was right, all along. You came back stronger from heartbreak and loss, even if you aren’t quite the same person you started out as. She now had the strength to save her family. 

The gate slams shut with the force of their combined magic, closing off the portal. Lucy plants her feet, a spark of pride flashing through her, melting through her exhaustion. She had done it. There were still dragons loose and madness unleashed upon the city, but she’d given them all a fighting chance, and she knew that was all they needed. Lucy spares a thought for Gray and Natsu. Wherever they are, she prays they all make it out of this alive. There are words she needs to say, and tonight, she is fighting for the time to say them. 

The night is long, and full of terrors and bloodshed. It is nearly daybreak before Lucy sees Gray.

* * *

The last of the dragons has finally vanished, dissipating in a shower of light. Lucy takes the measure of her companions, all of them bruised and bloodied, standing around blinking in shock, hardly believing they have survived and won. There is still work to be done though, and Colonel Arcadios is the first to rouse them out of their stupor. Parts of the capital are still burning, there are citizens trapped in the rubble, pockets of the city left to check for survivors and any leftover dragon threat. Arcadios barks out commands to his soldiers. 

Lucy doesn’t hear any of that though, because clambering over a destroyed wall is Gray, blood-streaked and weary, an ugly cut on his side encased over with ice, and her heart stops. Juvia and Lyon trail slowly behind, but Lucy hardly notices them.

“Gray,” she exhales sharply, a piercing wave of relief crashing over her, and before she is conscious of her own movements, her feet are propelling her towards him in a sprint. 

Gray opens his arms instinctively, and Lucy throws herself into them. She grips him tightly, arms trembling around his bare torso, feeling the hard planes of his chest, breathing in his scent, reassuring herself that he was whole and alive. She feels him murmur her name, press his face into her hair. It isn’t until she’s in his arms that the full realization of how worried she’s been over him, how terrified she’s been of losing him, hits her.

“Hey,” he pulls away slightly, swiping gently at the wetness on Lucy’s cheeks with a calloused thumb. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you.” 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Lucy whispers, and takes a deep, shuddering breath. “There were so many dragons, the city was in chaos and there was no way to find you, I tried not to worry – I knew you could handle it–”

Gray smiles down at her tenderly, and Lucy's heart jackhammers in her chest. “I’m okay. See? I’m so much better now that I’ve seen you.”

He’s not quite subtle enough to hide the quick flinch as Lucy tightens her arms further around his injured side, and she pulls away in horror. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry – you’re hurt!”

Gray shakes his head and allows her to pull away slightly, but keeps an arm looped securely around her waist. “A scratch. Nothing you can’t nurse me back from.”

His grin is light and teasing, and Lucy gives him a disbelieving look before finally glancing up to see the gazes of some of their guildmates directed their way: Natsu giving them a look she can’t quite decipher, Juvia shocked, eyes practically bulging out of her head, Lyon smug, Happy fluttering overhead with an ear-to-ear grin.

“It’s about time! You looooove him–” Happy sing songs.

Lucy flushes bright red and has the presence of mind to growl, “Shut it, cat, before I sock you with my whip.”

She hears Gray chuckle beside her, and he slides his hand down from her waist to boldly grab her hand. She stills, startled, and feels him twine his fingers around hers. She curls her own fingers around his, tight.

Princess Hisui has begun issuing orders, asking for the assistance of every able-bodied wizard to help with search and rescue. She directs pairs of wizards to different quadrants of the city to join up with her soldiers and they disperse. Natsu and Happy take off in a southwesterly direction, not before Natsu glances meaningfully at Lucy and Gray’s entwined hands, and a gleeful Lyon drags a hostile Juvia along in the opposite direction.

Gray nudges her, and they set off towards their assigned quadrant. He keeps tight hold of her hand the entire way, her smaller one completely encased in his larger, calloused one, and Lucy wants nothing more than to hold onto him for as long as she can. Knowing that they nearly lost each other has knocked something loose between them, shattered that unspoken wall they had in place, and now there was nothing between them but bare skin and barely restrained intent. Gray strokes a thumb across her knuckles and Lucy looks up to meet his dark eyes, bright with unspoken resolve, and she smiles shyly back. He bends towards her, lips grazing across her forehead, leaving trails of fire in their wake. Bruised and battered as they are, Lucy longs to pull him into a secluded nook and figure out exactly where those trails of fire go.

Entering a deserted courtyard, Gray tugs her to a sudden stop and turns to face her.

“Luce,” he begins, leveling that familiar, intense gaze upon her. “We need to talk, and I don’t want to wait any longer before some other calamity occurs.”

Lucy swallows, and nods in assent. “I agree. I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while now too.”

Gray studies her for a moment, then takes deep breath.

“I love you,” he says without preamble. “I have for a while now. I think I might have died a few hours ago. It was this weird sensation – like time had somehow flipped on its head, and I could clearly see what was going to happen to me, but then it didn’t. I can’t explain it. All I know is, in that moment as I saw myself falling, all I could think about was you.”

Gray’s eyes blaze into her, and he takes a step closer. “I thought about how I wished I had told you how I felt. I thought about all the times I had held back, afraid that you didn’t feel the same way, afraid of ruining our friendship, hell – afraid of Natsu. I nearly lost you, I nearly lost myself, and I nearly lost the chance at whatever future we might have had. So I’m done with holding back. If there is any chance at all that you might feel the same way, or even if you don’t, I needed you to know.” 

Lucy chokes out a sob at his words, heart thunderous in her ears, those wingbeats in her chest bursting to life with a roar and taking flight, soaring up and up and up. She didn’t realize how much she had wanted to hear those words until he said them. It’s as if the last piece of her slots into place. So many times she had learned to mend her broken heart, patch up the pieces as best she could and throw up walls, afraid to let anyone in, but Gray had been there all along, carving out a space inside her heart this entire time. She had finally found her feet, could stand on her own with her own strength, but Gray made her better, tougher, more grounded. He helped her to her feet when she fell; he pushed her farther when she didn’t think she could walk anymore. When she was lost and alone, he held her hand and led her out of the darkness. He was her person.

In the moment, Gray stands in front of her, uncertain but patient, nervous but composed, waiting for her to catch her breath. She's waited long enough to tell him.

“Something similar happened to me, too. And I thought the very same things you did. I do feel the same way,” she tells him at last, with all the conviction in the world. “I love you, and I am going to fight for that future with you. I never want to lose you.” 

She watches as Gray’s entire being lights up, relief and exhilaration and joy suffusing every corner of his body, and the smile he gives her is so bright and luminous it nearly blinds her. He pulls her into his arms, burying his face in her hair. 

“Is this real?” he questions in wonder, voice muffled, and Lucy throws her arms around him.

“Yes,” she whispers. “This is real.”

Gray spends several moments simply breathing her in, and Lucy closes her eyes, feeling the strength of him against her body, reassuring herself once more of his solidness, his _realness_.

“You have no idea how incredibly happy you make me,” he murmurs against the crown of her head.  

Lucy tightens her arms around him, but a thought nags at her and she pushes herself away slightly to look up at him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” he says gently, sensing the beat of hesitation. 

“I saw you with Juvia, the afternoon I was discharged. You were talking, and it looked…intimate. I was afraid to disturb you,” she bites her lip uneasily. “If there is any chance that you have feelings for her, too – that you could be happy with her–”

Gray’s eyes sharpen in sudden realization. “Fuck, Luce, what are you saying? I pulled Juvia aside that day to finally be honest with her. I told her that I wasn’t interested, that my heart already belonged to someone else. I encouraged her to give Lyon a chance. I’m so sorry if you misinterpreted that.” He rests his forehead lightly against hers, and his eyes are beseeching, filled with yearning. “Luce, don’t you know it’s only ever been you? Please forgive me if I hurt you in any way.”

He wipes away an unbidden tear from the corner of her eye with a gentle finger, and Lucy laughs at her own absurdity. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’ve been such an idiot.”

Gray huffs a quiet laugh of his own. “We’ve both been idiots.”

And just like that, she and Gray have taken a flying leap off that precipice, together, finally ready to see where it takes them. Lucy thinks of all the time they’ve wasted, all the close calls and near misses, every mission they’ve been on where either she or Gray could have not returned from. There have been growing feelings between the two of them since the beginning, a seed planted the first day she joined Fairy Tail, nurtured slowly over their subsequent adventures, spreading tendrils through every aspect of her life, until it had irrevocably burst into full bloom, taking root in her heart.

Gray had been telling her every day, in his own way, of the depth of his feelings for her. She just had to listen. They really had been such idiots – scared to act over the uncertainty of reciprocal feelings, over the fear of ruining the bond between them, when in front of them there was the breathtaking possibility of deepening that bond and taking it to exhilarating new places. Lucy is done with the self-doubts and uncertainties. For once in her life she wants to be selfish, wants to put her own needs above others; wants to find out what that glint in Gray’s eyes means and where those heated touches might lead.

It is nearly dawn, the sky lightening with the faintest hint of pink creeping along its eastern edges, but the night is still cool and dark in their little corner of the city. Moonlight splashes across Gray’s chiseled features, turning his hair a light silvery grey, and Lucy’s breath catches in her throat.

She turns her face up towards his. _Kiss me,_ she thinks. _I need you to kiss me._

And amongst the rubble and wreckage of a ruined city, underneath a star-strewn sky, after months of aching loss and heartache, he finally does. He kisses her like she is everything he’s ever wanted, like he will never let go, and Lucy returns it with her whole being, every fiber of her alight with desire and hope and love. Gray cups a hand around her face, his other arm drawing her tighter against him, mouth moving slowly over hers, drinking her in with a quiet urgency. Gray tastes like a winter’s night, crisp and woodsy and masculine, and a hint of something else, something uniquely _Gray_ and completely intoxicating. This kiss is everything Lucy has dreamed of and more, so much better in reality than all those late nights of fantasizing. She thinks she could get lost in him forever.

Time stands still as they lose themselves in this first taste of each other. Lucy weaves her fingers through his hair, every bit as soft and silky as she's imagined, tugging herself even closer, her left hand caressing the guild mark on his chest, his bare skin scorching against hers. Lucy opens her mouth wider for him, feeling him sink deeper, tongue stroking with deliberation against hers, and Gray groans against her lips, long and low. He pulls away excruciatingly slowly, and presses open-mouthed kisses against her neck, her ear, her forehead.

“I’ve been thinking about doing that to you for _months_ ,” he admits, flashing that trademark smirk at her. “But as much as I’d like to continue ravishing you senseless, I think we probably have to finish up the job we were sent to do and go save some lives.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Lucy says, pressing her own kiss against the corner of his mouth. “I’ll take you up on that offer later.”

She watches his eyes heat up and laughs, tugging him after her towards their destination. “Come on, let’s go be Fairy Tail wizards.”

* * *

She made a promise to herself. Afterwards, she goes back for Future Lucy. But there is only an empty space in the place she left her body, the flagstone floor cold and unforgiving.

She must have disappeared with the dragons. She must have gone back to her own time. She was alive, because she had saved herself.  

Lucy lets out a sob of relief. Standing beside her, Gray squeezes her hand.

Lucy sends a quick prayer out into the universe. _Wherever you are, I hope you found each other. And if you traveled down a different path, I hope you found your happiness. I hope you found your strength._

_Thank you for lending me yours._

* * *

The king ends up throwing them a celebratory ball, with all the wizards of the Grand Magic Games in attendance. After the darkness of the past few days, the light and levity of the occasion loosens up something in everyone, with food and drink flowing in abundance and laughter ringing out loud and often.

Lucy drinks and eats her fill, kicks up her heels and busts out some moves on the dance floor with Erza and Cana. When a slow ballad comes on, Lucy is surprised to be approached by Lyon Vastia, who gives her a courtly bow and asks if she wants to dance. She accepts and takes his outstretched hand, letting him lead her into a slow waltz.

Across the room, Gray raises an eyebrow at her and she smiles and shrugs. He grimaces in response and she blows him a kiss. In a few moments, she sees him lead Wendy onto the dance floor, and her heart squeezes in tenderness.

“So,” Lyon says with a cheeky smirk. “You and Gray, eh?”

Lucy blinks up at him innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”

Lyon chuckles. “A blind bat could see you guys making eyes at each other across the room. He’s barely taken his eyes off you tonight. So how long has this been going on?”

“Why do I feel like you’re fishing for an angle?” Lucy hides her grin. “And I’m pretty sure I can guess what that angle is.” She nods in the direction of Juvia, currently peeking out behind a column at Gray and directing her ire towards poor Wendy.

Lyon’s gaze softens when it falls on Juvia, and he sighs. “The heart wants what it wants.”

“I know the truth of that,” Lucy says, seeing the look on his face, and puts a hand on his arm. “Just – be patient with her. I think her heart might be broken right now, and it takes some time to put back together. You’re a good man, Lyon. She’s lucky to have you.” She looks back at Juvia and her face falls. “I’m just so sorry to be hurting her right now. I feel awful that I’m the cause of her pain.”

“You always did have a bleeding heart, Lucy.” Lyon looks at her contemplatively. “If Juvia truly cares about Gray, she’d want what was best for him. You and Gray deserve to figure out for yourselves what you can become. And I’m truly happy for you guys. I will admit a part of that is because it does open the door for me with Juvia, but it’s also because Gray is my little brother. He deserves every happiness in the world, and I can see it all over his face when he looks at you. There’s been so much darkness in his life from what he’s been through, but you bring him into the light.”

Lucy smiles at Lyon, moved by his words, and he raises a warning eyebrow at her. “And if you ever tell him I called him that, I will freeze you.”

Lucy laughs, just as Gray appears by their side and cuts in with a not-so-subtle cough. “Think it’s time you quit hogging my girl, Lyon. There’s only one ice mage who should be charming her tonight, and it’s certainly not you.”

Lyon sneers at Gray good-naturedly, and presses a chaste kiss to the back of Lucy’s hand.

“Take care of him for me, will you?” he says, low in her ear before he steps away, and Lucy nods, still smiling. Gray slips one hand around her waist and slides into the dance with a lithe ease.

“What did he say that was so funny?” 

“None of your business. And hogging your girl?!” Lucy glares at him in mock outrage. “Are you jealous?”

“Yes,” Gray replies serenely. “Can you blame me? You’re the most beautiful girl here tonight, and I pretty much want you all to myself.”

Lucy blushes at his frankness, then steps on his toe intentionally. “Just so we’re clear, I’m not a possession. I’m my own person.”

“Of course,” Gray says easily. “I’ll just be yours, then.”

Lucy rolls her eyes at his corniness, but can’t quite keep her blush down. “I always thought you were this cool and aloof ice wizard. Who knew that was all just an act? You’re actually all soft and squishy inside.”

Gray winks at her. “What can I say, my weakness is stubborn celestial wizards. Don’t tell anyone, okay? I’ve got a reputation to maintain.”

Lucy giggles at him, and he smiles back at her, skating his fingertips along her lower back and sending sparks of electricity up her spine.

“I meant to tell you this earlier, but you look gorgeous tonight, Luce.”

Lucy looks him over appreciatively in return, noting how the fitted navy formalwear managed to cling to his lean, muscled frame. “You don’t clean up so bad yourself, Fullbuster. It’s amazing what wearing clothes can do sometimes, hm?”

Gray tugs her closer into his body. “Mmm. I can’t wait to get back to Magnolia.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, for starters, I live alone. You live alone.” He waggles his eyebrows at her. “Crocus is nice and all, but this sharing a room thing with the whole team is such a cockblocker. I can’t wait to show you exactly why my stripping habit comes in really handy.”

Lucy chokes on her ready retort, and Gray’s grin grows larger as he observes the blush spread down across her chest. He leans in close and kisses her ear.

“Relax,” he whispers, eyes twinkling. “Don’t worry, I’ll be a good boy.”

Something in Lucy feels unchained tonight, buoyant and happy and sexy. It’s a strange, new feeling for her.

“What if I don’t want you to be good?” she asks boldly, watching his beautiful indigo eyes darken, pupils constricting immediately.

“You should be careful what you wish for, Lucy,” Gray says, voice dipping deep and husky, fingers digging into her waist. Lucy has always loved his voice, smoky and silky smooth, but when it sounds like this, wrapped around her name, it does something dangerous to her insides. Lucy shivers, and is about to tease him some more, when a hand on her arm interrupts them.

“Hey guys. Is it okay if I steal Lucy away for a dance?” Natsu glances at them both earnestly, surprising the two of them. The band has finished its slow ballad and transitions effortlessly into another smooth, jazzy number.

“Of course.” Gray smiles in welcome at Natsu, and gives his shoulder a brief squeeze as he moves away. “I’m gonna go hunt down some food. Take as long as you need.”

Lucy doesn’t miss the quick look they exchange, silent but speaking volumes. While she’s not sure exactly what they were communicating, she has a pretty good guess what it was about, at least. Lucy takes Natsu’s hand and gives him a sunny smile.

“All hail King Natsu,” she jokes.

Natsu grins at her sheepishly. “Yeah, I have a feeling Makarov is going to give me an earful for that stunt.”

Lucy giggles. “Only you could pull something that crazy off.”

“It’s been a crazy couple of days, huh?”

“Yeah,” Lucy nods, then hesitates. There are things she wants to say to her best friend, but in the moment she doesn’t know how to start.

“Are you happy?” Natsu blurts out, beating her to the punch, a frown marring his normally cheerful features. “I just – does he make you happy?”

Lucy is startled for only a second. “Yes,” she answers truthfully, looking him in the eye. “Gray makes me very happy.”

Natsu studies her for a long moment. 

“I want to apologize,” Lucy begins, apprehensive about his silence. “For not talking to you about it. I think it took us both a while to figure out what was going on. Please know that we would never want to hurt you. We both love you.”

Natsu chuckles, breaking the tension, his face open and sincere. “Aw Lucy, I know that. Don’t be sorry about that, I can handle it. What’s important to me is that you’re happy. And that he’s happy, too. As much of a pain in the ass Ice Brains can be, we kinda grew up together. I guess that makes him my brother.” Natsu scratches his head. “But Lucy – if he ever makes you cry, I’m going to kick his ass like you wouldn’t believe.”

“He might,” Lucy states honestly. “But sometimes that’s what happens in a relationship. I think Gray and I both just want the chance to figure out where this goes.”

Natsu mulls her words over. “Try not to make him cry, either,” he finally says. “I really don’t want to have to comfort that idiot.”

Lucy laughs, and throws her arms around him. She feels her heart swell with affection and gratitude. Natsu had the most expansive heart of anyone she knew, and he would place the happiness of his friends before his own.

“I’ll do my best,” she whispers against his neck. “Thank you for understanding, Natsu. I love you.”

He grins down at her fondly. “I love you too.” He furrows his brow and asks as an afterthought, “Does this mean you won’t go on jobs with me and Happy anymore?”

If she didn’t know him so well, she would have missed the note of vulnerability in his voice.

“Don’t be silly. I will always go on jobs with you. I will always be a part of Team Natsu,” she reassures him wholeheartedly. “You will always be my best friend, and nothing will ever change that.”

Natsu beams at her, wide and elated, and gives her a jubilant twirl across the dance floor. Lucy laughs in exuberance. She lets the lights, the colors, the sheer joy of being alive, and the love for the two most important men in her life fill her to bursting. She hasn’t felt this happy in a long, long time. 

* * *

But life is like this: a twisting road of mountains and valleys, the bitter hand-in-hand with the sweet.

On the way home to Magnolia from Crocus, finally leaving the Grand Magic Games behind them, surrounded by friendly bickering in their luxury carriage, Gray glances out the window and freezes.

An old woman standing in the middle of the road catches his attention, a niggling thread of familiarity and unease tugging at his mind. Maybe it’s the way she carries herself, or the slant of her eyes, but something about her doesn’t feel right. His chest hurts. He rubs it absently, circling the phantom spot where a spear of magic light pierced the specter of him that died. It isn’t until the old woman turns her face up into the sunlight that it hits Gray.

Ultear. 

He doesn’t know how, or why, but he knows it with a searing, fundamental certainty. The woman standing behind them is Ultear, and she was responsible for whatever weird premonition or twist of time that had happened to them, and this was the price she had paid. She had saved them all. She had saved him, just like her mother had.

“Stop the carriage right now!” Gray yells, standing up, startling the entire carriage into silence.

“What’s going on?” Erza inquires urgently.

But the old woman has seen him through the window and has shaken her head with a rueful smile. Perched beside him, Lucy peers at Gray’s face and sees his tear-filled eyes, the way he grits his teeth and clenches his fists as he continues to look out the window while the carriage moves swiftly forward. 

“Never mind,” he mutters, sitting back down. “It’s nothing.”

Lucy sits beside him quietly, watching him struggle with some internal conflict, swiping angrily at his tears. She leans her shoulder against his, and he wraps an arm around her, presses his face against the crown of her head, gulping in shaky breaths. She takes his hand and lifts it to her lips, brushing them across his knuckles.

She knows the words will come, later.

* * *

In her apartment, curtains open and the full moon shining through, creating shifting patterns on her bedspread, they lie curled up together, face to face. Gray tells her of Ultear, of what had happened during the battle, of the sacrifice she made. Lucy hears the splinter in his voice, the flood of grief he is trying desperately to hold back, and she strokes his hair.

“First Ur, now her daughter. They both sacrificed themselves to save my life, and I can’t understand why. Ultear had finally turned her life around, she had found her life’s work, she was searching for redemption, and to throw it all away? I never wanted this, I’ve never done anything to warrant saving; I would have given my life to save either one of them.” Gray’s voice breaks, and his eyes are full of anguish, pleading with her for answers neither one of them have.

Lucy strokes her thumb across his cheekbone, feeling the wetness beneath. “I know you would. Ultear saved all of us. She saved the kingdom,” she reminds him. “Don’t ever forget that you were the one who turned her heart around and showed her the goodness inside herself. She chose to use that goodness to help people. She and Ur saved you because they loved you, they wanted you to find happiness. They believed in you.”

Gray grits his teeth. “There is so much guilt, Luce. I don’t know how I live knowing they both sacrificed their lives to save me.”

Lucy cups his face and looks him in the eye. “Gray, it was her choice to make. It was her sacrifice to make. The same goes for Ur. You can’t bear the responsibility for their choices. You live the way you taught me to: with pain and heartbreak but always moving forward, always carrying the light of both of them with you, wherever you go. Someone very wise once said to me that loss breaks you into pieces, but when you put yourself back together again, it makes you stronger.”

Gray gives her a tiny, wry smile, and Lucy returns it.

“All you can do now is to honor their sacrifice and their faith in you. Do your best to make sure it wasn’t wasted and work towards making this world we live in a better place. Isn’t that why we joined Fairy Tail? Isn’t that what we try to do every day – help as many people as we can?”

Gray exhales sharply. “Yeah. You’re right.”

He is silent for a few minutes, thinking over her words, before he pulls her close to rest his forehead against hers. “Thank you for always believing in me, even when I lose faith in myself.” He reaches out, fingers grazing across her lips. “You are the light in my darkness.”

Lucy parts her lips at his touch, eyes fluttering briefly shut. She remembers that night she was pressed against the floor, broken in agony over the loss of her father, swimming in darkness. He picked her up and gave her his light to hold onto.

“It’s what we do for each other,” Lucy tells him, fiercely, resolutely.

Gray smiles at her softly. “Without Ultear, I wouldn’t be here tonight, with you. So I owe her.”

“We both do.”

Gray is studying her carefully, indigo eyes dark with unspoken emotion, and suddenly Lucy feels unexpectedly shy under his gaze.

“Do you – do you want to stay tonight?” she asks.

“I was hoping to.”

There is a glint in Gray’s eyes, a promise of something more. It sends a frisson of heat curling in Lucy’s belly. She realizes belatedly Gray is clad only in his boxers, and wonders when he had shed his clothing and why she barely even noticed anymore. His bare skin, smooth and muscular and lying so close to her, only fuels the heat inside her, pooling it between her thighs. They’ve shared sleeping arrangements numerous times before, usually with Natsu snoring away on the other side of them, but being together tonight held such a different meaning, the air suffused with breathless expectation. They look at each other for a long, quiet moment, faces inches apart, breathing each other in.

Gray reaches out and trails long fingers across her cheek and down her neck, light caresses leaving imprints of fire against her skin, sending shivers across Lucy’s entire body. She watches his pupils constrict in response, and he finally brings his head forward slowly and touches his lips to hers, almost reverently. His lips are cool and soft, and he starts the kiss off leisurely, coaxing her lips open with excruciating deliberateness. Lucy sighs into his mouth and tilts her head back to give him more access, her limbs loose and pliant beneath him. She brushes her tongue against his, and it’s as if she ignites a fuse, stoking the ever present flames between them into a roar. Gray groans into her mouth and tightens his fingers in her hair, licking into her mouth possessively, the other hand stroking down her arm, across her stomach and to her thigh, reaching boldly around to cup her bottom. She is burning up from the inside out, she wants _more, so much more._ Lucy sinks her fingers into his thick hair and rakes her other hand down his bare chest, pressing herself even closer against the hard planes of his body, moving her mouth desperately against his. He tastes cool and heady and intoxicating; she wants to sink even deeper and never come up. When she nips his bottom lip, Gray growls and grips her bottom more firmly, pressing her decisively against the protruding hardness in his boxers. In her haze, it takes Lucy a while to realize what that hardness is, and as they finally come up for air, she looks at him wide-eyed.

He immediately pulls away in concern. “Fuck, Luce. I got carried away. Was this too much?”

“What?” she asks dumbly, trying to clear the fog blanketing her brain, slow her racing heart. For an ice mage, Gray certainly was skillful in playing with fire. She finally catches the slight anxiety in his eyes and strokes his cheek in reassurance.

“God, no. I want to keep doing this over and over again with you.”

At Gray’s answering smirk, she blushes shyly. “But do you think – could we take this slow? A lot of this is new to me.”

Gray smiles at her tenderly, his eyes soft and warm. “We can take this at whatever pace you want, however long you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

He presses a kiss to her neck and Lucy turns her head to meet his lips, communicating everything she isn’t able to articulate into the kiss. Her gratitude. Her trust. Her love. 

Gray pulls away slowly, brow furrowing as a thought occurs to him. “We should probably take some precautions though. You know Flame Brain and his sidekick are going to barge their merry way into your apartment at some point, and I don’t exactly relish giving them a show.”

Lucy grins at him wickedly. “You never used to mind sharing a bed with him.”

“No way in hell that’s happening again,” Gray retorts in indignation. “There are some things that are now reserved for my eyes only.” He leers at her chest teasingly and Lucy swats at him.

“Behave yourself,” she reproves, and he rubs his nose quickly against hers.

“Maybe I can ice the window shut,” Gray muses.

“He’s just going to come in through the fireplace,” Lucy points out.

“I’ll ice that shut too.”

Lucy bursts into laughter, the image of Gray fastidiously icing over every entry point to her apartment sending her into spasms of mirth. Gray joins her laughter, and soon they’re not even sure what they’re laughing about, simply reveling in the release and delight it brings. They laugh until their stomachs hurt and tears leak from their eyes, their shared joy lifting the shadows from their hearts, casting them both into warmth and light.

After they fall quiet, Lucy rests her forehead against his shoulder, and he reaches around to tuck her more comfortably against the crook of his neck, one leg twining around hers. A sense of hushed serenity engulfs Lucy.

In the silence, lulled by the warmth and solidity of Gray around her, the even rise and fall of his breath beneath her palms, Lucy feels her heart slowly unfurl, like the pages of a book with the ending unwritten, a web of infinite paths spreading out before her. She doesn’t know where those paths will lead or even which ones she will tread, but there is one thing she does know: that together, with Gray beside her, whatever winding path they choose to take will be the right one. There will be more adventures, more close calls, more tough decisions, more joy and heartbreak along the way. There will be loss and pain. But Lucy knows with a certainty that it is the moments they steal together, those quiet moments in between, the mundane and everyday acts of love, that give her the strength to face whatever tomorrow will bring.

Gray yawns, settling himself down around her, pulling the comforter more tightly up against them and turning into the curve of her body. Drowsy and content within the cocoon of his arms, Lucy savors this moment, grateful for the long road that finally led them here, before sleep overcomes her too.  

 

-end-


End file.
